


The Deflowering of Do Kyungsoo

by writingblankspaces



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Baekyeol, Blow Jobs, Emotional Baggage, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Matchmaking, Mutual Masturbation, Porn Watching, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-03-02 18:58:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18817018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingblankspaces/pseuds/writingblankspaces
Summary: Kyungsoo likes to be alone. In fact, he's found comfort and a sort of happiness in being by himself. It's easier that way. That changes when Coffee Shop Jongin, the boy who Kyungsoo's been eyeing, asks him out on a date.





	1. Unexpectedly

**Author's Note:**

> The italics are Kyungsoo's inner thoughts.

It was obvious from the banging on the wall and the occasional moan that Baekhyun was getting laid again for what had to be the sixth time that week.

And it was only Wednesday.

As Kyungsoo’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, trying to fool himself into thinking he would start his Shakespeare essay early, he felt a prickle of jealousy wash over him and he tried his best to ignore it.

After twenty-three years of life, he, Do Kyungsoo, a junior in college was still a virgin in all senses of the word.

He hadn’t even kissed anyone before.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m so close, please,” Baekhyun’s voice begged through the wall behind Kyungsoo’s head.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in sex, because well, he was. He was just horribly awkward when it came to socializing, especially when it involved socializing with someone inside his personal space.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” and unfortunately due to his extensive experience with the audio of Baekhyun’s sex life, he knew that the man was not lying or just playing it up for whoever he was having sex with.

Really, it should’ve been creepy how Kyungsoo could tell how much Baekhyun was enjoying himself by the tone and pitch of his whines and moans.

Just as he’d predicted, a loud exhale followed the hissing (?) of another, deeper voice, then it was quiet and Kyungsoo couldn’t really hear anymore.

About twenty minutes later, Chanyeol, one of Baekhyun’s frequent ‘late-night-friends’ as he’d once described them to Kyungsoo, walked out Baekhyun’s room and leaned in the doorway of Kyungsoo’s bedroom.

“Sorry,” it’d become a formality for Chanyeol to apologize after he and Baekhyun were done and while it was rather pointless, Kyungsoo found it humorous.

With a nod and a monotoned “sure, dude,” Chanyeol returned the nod and wandered into the kitchen, probably looking for something to eat. Whenever Chanyeol came, it was always certain that the man would be around for a few hours, because he was Baekhyun’s favorite.

That’s why whenever he walked out his room or came home and Chanyeol was seated at their kitchen table, eating the leftovers Kyungsoo had planned to make his dinner, he never bothered getting mad anymore. Instead, he just learned to keep a small stockpile of snacks in his room just in case.

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s second round was always chaotic, so partially out of courtesy and for the sake of his own sanity, Kyungsoo would excuse himself out the apartment. Usually, he ended up at the nearest coffee shop, which was thankfully less than ten minutes away.

Foolishly, he’d brought his laptop with the intent to work on his essay again now that he was in a quiet place, but the universe seemed to have other plans for him.

Kim Jongin was working at the counter and when he saw Kyungsoo shuffle in, he shot Kyungsoo a smile so bright it could’ve blinded him.

“Baekhyun back at it again?” Jongin asked as Kyungsoo handed him his card, not even having to verbally order his drink.

Jongin knew it by heart.

“Yeah, and unfortunately, it’s Chanyeol, so I’ll probably be here until you close,” Kyungsoo muttered, sitting down at the table closest to the counter. Jongin nodded and started fixing his order, then after he finished, he brought it to the table and sat down across from him.

Now, Kyungsoo wasn’t an idiot and he was well aware that Jongin was into him, yet the crushing pressure of the anxiety and self-esteem goblins that lived in his head started screaming any time he even thought about acting on it.

So, in order to keep his peace of mind, he treated Jongin like a good friend.

“What are you working on, or at least, trying to work on?” Jongin asked, eyeing the computer. Kyungsoo explained his Shakespeare essay and Jongin laughed, agreeing with Kyungsoo that he would probably wait until the last minute to do it like he always did.

“While you’re procrastinating your homework, why don’t you come eat dinner with me? There’s this barbecue place that’s open twenty-four hours and after I finish here, I’m usually starving,” there was a hopeful smile on his face and Kyungsoo could almost feel how badly Jongin wanted him to go.

“Um, sure. I love barbecue,” Kyungsoo mumbled, fighting against the heat that threatened to rise to his cheeks.

 

When Jongin closed down the coffee shop, it was already 10:30, which meant that Kyungsoo had been there for almost two hours.

They’d passed so quickly, he barely had enough time to freak out over the pseudo-date he was going on, dressed in clothes that were barely a step or two up from his pajamas.

The anxiety goblins screeched in the deepest recesses of his brain as he walked side by side, catching a quick glimpse of his reflection.

His shirt and pants were wrinkled, his hair could’ve stood a brush or comb and there were dark circles under his eyes because he hadn’t slept well the previous night.

He looked a mess, yet Jongin was chattering endlessly with a huge grin on his face as he kept shooting quick glances at Kyungsoo. It was like the man almost couldn’t believe he was there, with him and didn’t want him to disappear.

It was sweet.

However, the screeching inside his head got louder as they approached the restaurant, which was surprisingly busy considering the time.

“There are so many people because it’s near a few clubs and some people like to eat here before going to drink. I love it because there’s always something happening,” Jongin supplied, seeing the confused expression of Kyungsoo’s face.

In response, Kyungsoo nodded and shoved his hands into the deep pockets of his padded jacket.

It wasn’t really cold outside, but Kyungsoo had always been sensitive to even light breezes, so he didn’t feel overheated either.

Or at least he didn’t feel hot from the jacket.

There was, however, the fact that Jongin’s hand kept bumping into his, almost like the man intended to hold his hand but couldn’t make the leap to do so. The first time it happened, Kyungsoo ignored it and continued to follow the conversation, but after the third and fourth time, his body responded the only way it knew how.

By spiking his temperature, making his hands feel clammy and his heart race.

Fortunately—or unfortunately, Kyungsoo wasn’t sure—they walked inside the restaurant and got a table.

Kyungsoo shrugged off his jacket and shoved it in the corner of their booth, then glanced at the menu.

Considering that Jongin had offered to pay for all the food, Kyungsoo let him order, then leaned back into the seat, watching as Jongin ignored his phone in favor of looking at him.

“The food’s really good here, I swear,” Jongin rambled, absentmindedly picking at a thread on his shirt. Kyungsoo could tell he was nervous and he knew the gesture was sweet, yet inside he was a nervous wreck as well.

This was Jongin. Coffee Shop Jongin.

The same Jongin that always smelled like a hazelnut latte, even when he was sitting next to Kyungsoo in math class.

The Jongin that made Kyungsoo debate if he needed a pacemaker to regulate his heartbeat due to how drastically it altered when Jongin was around.

That man was sitting in front of him and talking about nothing, his eyes shining like he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else than with him.

And Kyungsoo couldn’t even enjoy it. His stomach twisted with each kind gesture Jongin made and the self-esteem goblins made his temples pound.

_You’re not good enough._

_He’s too hot for you._

_He’s out of your league._

_You should just tell him you’re not interested._

_Leave. You look like shit and you’re wasting his fucking time._

In the midst of all the chaos, a calm voice that sounded eerily like his own broke through the screeching.

_Breathe in._

_Leagues are not real and the only thing that matters is that he’s excited to be here. With you._

_If he didn’t like you, you would’ve walked home alone and went back to suffering through Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s round three._

_Breathe out._

So the self-help books were helping him and he followed the instructions, all while keeping a neutral smile on his face and nodding along to whatever Jongin was saying.

If the man noticed that his eyes were vacant because he’d retreated into his mind, he didn’t say and instead filled up the silence with more words.

When Kyungsoo finally zoned back into the conversation, he realized that Jongin had asked him a question and judging from the serious puppy eyes he was giving him, it was rather important.

“Um, I’m sorry. I zoned out for a sec. Can you say that again?” A look of relief flashed across Jongin’s face and he nodded, a small smile spread on his lips.

“I-uh-was-wondering ifyouwouldgooutwithme,” Kyungsoo blinked rapidly, trying to process the jumble of words so that he could formulate a response.

It took a total of nearly two minutes—which felt like a lifetime mind you—but he finally got it and instead of answering, his mouth hung open and he gaped like a fish out of water.

“It was worth the try right?” Jongin sighed, his eyes cast down at his bowl of rice speckled with pieces of crispy pork. There was an absolute dejected look on his face.

“No, no, no, no,” Jongin’s eyes widened, startled and Kyungsoo fought against flailing across the table to get his point across, “I-well you-uh-why do you want to date me? I’m kinda plump and my eyes are too big, plus I can be really stupid.” Kyungsoo continued, some of the contents of his mind spilling from his mouth.

Luckily, his natural filter kicked in and he stopped mid-sentence, staring wide-eyed at Jongin.

The usual smile on his face was gone and in its place was a look of confusion, before he could comment on Kyungsoo’s words, Kyungsoo stood up, making his chair scrape loudly on the ground, “I, uh, have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Once in the bathroom, Kyungsoo paced the length of the small room. He was thankful that it was clean and smelled fresh (for a bathroom) because he repeatedly needed to take deep breaths, trying to calm his racing pulse.

What if Jongin just kind of avoided him after this?

It’d be hard for him to ghost him considering the classes they had in common, but Kyungsoo didn’t put anything past anyone.

Even Coffee Shop Jongin who was basically Adonis reincarnated and had the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.

To keep from having another panic attack and leaving Jongin in the restaurant alone, Kyungsoo fished his phone out his pocket and texted Minseok, one of his closest friends.

Within a few seconds of sending the panic, typo-filled message, Minseok was calling him.

“Calm down Soo. You’ll be okay, you just need to breathe,” just hearing Minseok’s voice made Kyungsoo feel calming as he slowed his pacing and leaned against the cool tiled wall, “just go back out there and speak casually. You don’t need to apologize for your words. It’s up to you if you want to acknowledge them, but if not, then breeze past it and pretend like you forgot about it or like it didn’t happen.”

All of that was solid advice.

Now Kyungsoo just needed to collect himself and go back out there to face Jongin.

Hopefully, he could put that one semester of Intro to Shakespearean Acting to use.

With less drama, of course.

 

Kyungsoo sat down at the table quickly and flashed Jongin a grin before he started to pick at his food, trying to find something to talk about.

Coffee? No, Jongin spent half his time around the stuff, he probably didn’t even drink it.

Sports? No, he hated sports.

The weather? It was night time and it was decently cold.

School? Yes! That was something they shared in common and there would be little to no lulls in the conversation. Kyungsoo could complain about their mutual class for hours if need be.

“So, did you study for that last test? I barely passed,” Kyungsoo sighed, glancing up to see if Jongin had taken the bait.

When he saw the smile, he saw that the other man had and it made him want to smile back.

Maybe he wasn’t so hopeless after all?

 

By the end of the dinner, Jongin and Kyungsoo had talked so much shit about their math class and professor, that Kyungsoo couldn’t stop himself from snorting when Jongin cracked a stupid joke about the TA’s toxic coffee breath.

There was a short pause in their conversation and Jongin sighed before he leaned back in his seat, obviously full, “so, uh did you think about the answer to my question earlier?”

_It’s amazing that he wants to be with you._

_He really is way too hot for you._

“A-a-about the date?” Kyungsoo started, making the choice to look up, catching Jongin’s hopeful glance, “yeah. I’d like that.” As he spoke, his voice got quieter and he looked down at the table.

He didn’t see, so much as hear how excited Jongin was at the news because at the sound of Kyungsoo’s words, he had hit his knee on the table, causing the rest of their food to shake on the table.

When Kyungsoo finally did look up, Jongin’s face was flushed pink and his hand was rubbing his knee with a look of embarrassment.

“Would you like to get some ice cream or are you ready to go home?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo gave it some thought and while he would’ve loved to be in the relative solitude of his own apartment, being with Jongin was fun and he didn’t want it to end.

“Uh, I don’t mind. I love ice cream, though are there any places that are still open? It’s really late…” some of the hope in Jongin’s eyes died as he realized the time—nearly 1 AM—and he nodded.

“How about we do something later today? It’ll be my treat?” Jongin asked, the hope returning tenfold as his smile threatened to eclipse the moon itself. Kyungsoo agreed and despite his protest, Jongin insisted on walking him to his apartment.

 

As they stood right in front of his door, Jongin shifted from side to side, a peculiar expression on his face. If Kyungsoo had seen enough anime, dramas, and movies, Jongin was expecting a kiss.

Except when Kyungsoo went for it, mentally freaking out because this was going to be his first kiss, Jongin cleared his throat which made Kyungsoo stop halfway, “so I’ll see you then.” Halfway through the sentence, Jongin’s voice hiked up like he was going through puberty again and Kyungsoo forgot his dilemma for a second, chuckling lightly.

After watching Jongin leave, he let himself into his apartment and leaned against the closed door with a tired sigh.

He must’ve looked like an idiot leaning forward with his eyes partially closed, but Jongin hadn’t seemed to notice, which was good.

“Did someone chase you home or something?” Chanyeol asked, scaring the shit out of Kyungsoo. Now that he’d actually surveyed his surroundings, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were snuggled together on the couch, watching what looked like a Harry Potter movie.

They’d probably been watching him since he walked in.

“No, it’s-uh-it’s nothing,” Kyungsoo mumbled, shuffling to his own bedroom before shutting the door.

Sleep seemed to evade Kyungsoo as he tossed and turned in his bed, his mind replaying all the stupid things he’d done in front of Jongin.

Repeatedly zoning out on the conversation, running to the bathroom, immediately and fervently declining Jongin’s date the first time, plus many other things his brain seemed to not let him forget.

Why did Jongin like him so much?

Any normal person would’ve taken Kyungsoo’s actions as signs that he wasn’t into them, but Jongin was relentless.

Perhaps that was what he needed.


	2. Cry Baby

Kyungsoo might’ve slept all of six hours before his eyes opened and refused to close again. The events of last night and early morning flashed in his mind again, making him cringe as he went through his usual morning routine.

After he’d finished brushing his teeth, he stared at his reflection far too long and his mind began to dissect each and every one of his faults, shimmying from the depths of his mind.

_Your eyes are too big._

_You should go on a diet._

_Look at those dark circles, oh my god._

_You might want to wash your face again._

_What does Coffee Shop Jongin see in you again?_

The voices only ceased when Kyungsoo’s stomach growled, reminding him that he was hungry and should start breakfast.

 

Usually, nothing could get Baekhyun out of his bed before noon on a weekend, but Kyungsoo’s cooking was always an exception.

The smell of bacon and pancakes wafted from the kitchen into the other man’s room, rousing both him and Chanyeol, who’d unsurprisingly spent the night. The two men sleepily bumbled their way to the table to watch Kyungsoo finish up cooking.

“So what was early this morning about? You looked terrified when you walked in,” Chanyeol spoke, small pieces of pancake escaping his mouth. It would’ve been horrifying to Kyungsoo had it been anyone else, but this was Chanyeol and he had gotten used to the giant’s eating habits. In fact, he had learned to see it as a compliment; as a sign that his food was too good to stop eating in order to talk.

Or at least Kyungsoo liked to think of it that way and not that Chanyeol just lacked common and decent manners.

“I kinda had a pseudo-date with Coffee Shop Jongin,” Kyungsoo answered, not even bothering to be vague. Chanyeol and Baekhyun wouldn’t tell anyone.

“You what?” Baekhyun asked, slamming down his mug. Coffee sloshed out onto the table, but it went unnoticed as he stared at Kyungsoo.

As one of Kyungsoo’s closest friends, he knew all about Coffee Shop Jongin and had been silently rooting for Kyungsoo for almost two years. Now that things were working in Kyungsoo’s favor, Baekhyun was relieved.

He deserved something good.

 

Following Kyungsoo’s date with Jongin, his phone was quiet until Sunday evening.

**Sorry, we couldn’t hang out earlier, Yixing needed me to come in last minute. You hungry? I just got off and wondered if you wanted sushi?**

Kyungsoo must’ve stared at the message for ten minutes before he debated on his answer, trying to balance between his eagerness and a more acceptable level of excitement.

 **Starving actually**  
**Where should we meet?**

The white typing bubbles popped up on his screen immediately.

**I’m outside your apartment, you can come down ~_~**

It took Kyungsoo all of five minutes to change into decent clothes and brush his hair to look like could be something presentable.

The voices in his head screamed when he walked past the mirror by the front door, but he ignored them, anxious because he didn’t want to keep Jongin waiting.

It was only when Kyungsoo saw Jongin in his car waiting that he actually noticed what he was wearing.

In his haste, he’d accidentally grabbed the pair of jeans he’d purposefully shoved into his the back of his closet a few months previous.

With various rips going up his knees and thighs, not to mention the fact that they were skin tight, had made Kyungsoo too self-conscious to wear them.

_Your thighs are going to rip the seams._

_You should buy a bigger size. After all…_

He started to turn and go change into something else, but the look on Jongin’s face when he saw Kyungsoo made him stop.

Wide-eyed and nearly dumbstruck like a kid on Christmas day, Jongin was staring and Kyungsoo could see the other’s face turning into a pretty shade of pink. Realizing he was caught, Jongin jumped in his seat and accidentally hit his windshield wipers, dropping his phone in between his front seat and the console. Embarrassed, Jongin frantically rushed to fix everything.

And just like that, Kyungsoo couldn’t hear the voices over his own laughter.

When he actually sat down in the car, he couldn’t even pretend like he wasn’t laughing at Jongin. Instead, he just covered his mouth and reached for his seatbelt.

“Uh-um...Sushi, right,” Jongin spoke as he cleared his throat, his cheeks burning red.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t have to worry about the nagging voices as Jongin filled up the car with idle chat, talking about the customers he hated and how he hoped the professor would go easy on them on Monday.

As they parked in front of the restaurant, Kyungsoo caught Jongin watching him climb out the car and it sparked something deep in the pit of his gut.

Something he couldn’t place.

But he liked it.

 

“So that Chopper plush hanging from your backpack isn’t just for show?” Jongin asked, his eyes crinkled cutely in the corners.

Kyungsoo had been observing Jongin for so long that he was already somewhat familiar with the other man’s body language.

He wasn’t, however, familiar with all of the reactions being directed at him.

Jongin’s bright smile wasn’t aimed towards a sly joke Yixing murmured behind the counter. The light flush on his cheeks wasn’t for a customer who attempted to flirt with him.

All of these were for Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo alone.

He barely knew how to deal with it.

“I know I don’t look like a nerd,” Kyungsoo sighed, adding an overdramatic edge to his voice because, well, he definitely looked like a nerd.

Inwardly, Kyungsoo wondered if Jongin’s cheeks were hurting considering he’d been smiling since he’d gotten into Jongin’s car.

“I really like you,” Jongin mumbled, making Kyungsoo choke.

Regret crossed Jongin’s face and he started to apologize but Kyungsoo raised his hand, stopping him mid-sentence while he took a sip of water to clear his throat.

“I-I-I like you too,” Kyungsoo answered back, barely trusting himself enough to let the words slip from his lips.

The smile that spread across Jongin’s face was so sweet, Kyungsoo’s heart nearly skipped a beat.

“I’m glad,” Jongin slid one of his hands across the table and held it open. Kyungsoo had read enough manga and manhwa to know that meant Jongin wanted to hold his hand, but the ugly voices sneered from their imaginary bleachers.

_Why would he want to touch you?_

Slowly, Kyungsoo slid his hand across the table.

_Ha, only you would think manga and manhwa is an acceptable how-to in romance._

When he finally reached Jongin’s warm hand, it closed around his and squeezed. There was something both comforting and spark-inducing about it.

Again, Kyungsoo couldn’t explain.

 

As promised, Kyungsoo and Jongin got ice cream after dinner and they walked down the street to a park, side by side, as the sunset and the sky darkened.

At the park, where Jongin had held his hand for nearly ten minutes, they talked about more random subjects, neither of them actively acknowledging the intimate gesture.

“I never would’ve pegged you for an avocado-strawberry kind of guy,” Kyungsoo continued to eat his ice cream, a smile on his face.

The longer he stayed in Jongin’s presence, the easier smiling got.

The quieter the voices got.

All in all, it was perfect.

 

This time when Jongin dropped Kyungsoo off at his apartment, Jongin didn’t leave room for anything awkward. Instead, he told Kyungsoo how much fun he’d had then he tilted his head forward, a pensive look on his face.

“Can I kiss you?”

Kyungsoo didn’t even give the voices time to respond, he just leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Jongin’s.

Dry, soft and sweet.

Everything about it was simple and chaste, but the kiss was going to be forever burned in his memory.

When Kyungsoo pulled away, Jongin blinked rapidly like the man in that one gif Kyungsoo kept seeing on Twitter. He started to laugh at him, but then Jongin leaned back down and cradled the side of his face, pressing in for another kiss.

“Sorry, I had to do it again,” Jongin stammered, quickly pulling his hand from Kyungsoo’s face and leaning away.

“No, need to apologize. I li-liked it,” Kyungsoo answered back, shaking his head.

“We-Well go-good night. I’ll see you in cla-class,” even as Jongin continued to stumble through his words, Kyungsoo wasn’t doing much better, only nodding and trying not to look out of his mind as he smiled the hardest he had in his life.

 

When Kyungsoo tried to open the door, it wouldn’t budge at first. He thought it was just him, but as he tried again with more force, he heard a muffled ‘oomf’ and at least two pairs of footsteps.

Just as he’d expected, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were standing in the threshold of the kitchen, trying not to look like they’d been previously pressed against the door.

Like they hadn’t been looking through the peephole in the door to spy on Kyungsoo and Jongin.

“So, like I was saying, we should order pizza for dinner,” Baekhyun spoke, failing hard at trying to contain his smile, shooting a guilty glance over his shoulder, “ah Kyungsoo. How was your er, date?”

Chanyeol didn’t even bother hiding his excitement and he grinned in Kyungsoo’s direction, twitching his eyebrows, “so um. That kiss? Or should I say, those kisses?”

Now was the time for Kyungsoo to retreat to his room, his face red and heart racing.

As he closed his door behind, he heard a ridiculous catcall from Baekhyun.

 

Thank goodness Kyungsoo had studied all of Saturday and earlier that morning, because he couldn’t focus on the words on the paper in front of him.

His lips kept tingling with the memory of Jongin being so close, smelling of some kind of woodsy-musk, rendering the rest of his brain incapable of thinking about anything else.

With a defeated sigh, he resigned himself to being ready enough for the test and headed into his bathroom for a shower.

 

The next morning, he slid into the (his) empty seat next to Jongin and grinned, holding two cups of royal milk bubble tea.

Call it cheating, but for some reason, Chanyeol had been privy to Jongin’s preferred bubble tea flavor and Kyungsoo was thankful for anything he got.

He wanted this to go right.

“How’d you know,” Jongin asked, his eyes wide as he accepted the cup. Kyungsoo shrugged and said that he’d only bought what he wanted to drink, which was partially the truth.

After a few sips, Jongin leaned back in his seat “so did you study anymore?”

There was no way Jongin knew that he’d been the only thing on Kyungsoo’s mind since last night and he couldn’t just outright tell him that, right?

“I-” he started to say, but like a beacon of hope saving him from saying something stupid, Professor Ahn shuffled in, test papers in hand.

“Everyone stop talking and get ready for the test.”

Kyungsoo just shook his head and dug his pencil case out his backpack, a hint of pink flushing his face.

 

“So how do you think you did?” Jongin asked, gathering a big clump of jjajangmyeon noodles to shove into his mouth.

One of the things Kyungsoo was learning about Jongin was that he loved to eat and that he ate a lot.

And sure, many people loved to eat, but Kyungsoo had never seen anyone do it with such vigor and excitement as Jongin. It was kind of cute.

“Decently. There wasn’t anything unfamiliar on the test, but I won’t say I aced it,” Kyungsoo admitted, staring down at his own bowl of sweet and sour soup. In fact, he wasn’t really hungry, but he wasn’t about to pass up a chance to eat with Jongin.

Just watching the other man eat made Kyungsoo feel full.

Not to be corny.

Jongin wiped his face and reached across the small table, his hand lying palm up.

Was it too early for them to have their own private ‘things’? Because if not, then Kyungsoo was sure that this was fast becoming the gesture Jongin used to get him out of his head.

Wordlessly, Kyungsoo placed his hand in Jongin’s. His heart fluttered when the bigger hand closed around his own.

“Are we dating? Like do you mind if I call you my boyfriend?” Jongin asked after a few moments.

All other thought processes stopped and Kyungsoo found himself staring at Jongin like he’d suddenly grown five heads.

Being someone’s—Jongin’s—boyfriend.

It felt too fast and one of the voices proposed that Jongin was only humoring Kyungsoo, attempting to lure him into a false sense of security before he dumped him. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d been the butt of a joke.

But something in his chest, he was pretty sure it was his heart and the butterflies that’d taken permanent residence in his gut, was telling him that that wasn’t true.

“Soo?” There was pressure on his hand and when he focused on it, he realized Jongin was squeezing his hand.

He felt the heat rise to his face and he shook his head, blinking a few times.

“Yes, yes you can call me your boyfriend, as long as I can call you mine.” Smooth Kyungsoo.

Before they went their separate ways after lunch, Jongin leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek, much to the shock of a passing elderly couple.

Kyungsoo felt a bit self-conscious, but Jongin just smiled at them and went on his way, promising to text Kyungsoo a bit later.

 

“I, apparently, have a boyfriend now,” Kyungsoo murmured the moment he stepped into his apartment.

Baekhyun didn’t have class on Mondays, but he usually had to work at his cousin’s cafe. Fortunately—or unfortunately, Kyungsoo hadn’t decided yet—he was off and lounging on the couch when Kyungsoo let himself in.

“Did he say that or did you decide that?” Baekhyun didn’t even bother looking up from his phone.

“He said it,” Kyungsoo spoke slowly, still trying to convince himself that it had indeed happened.

“He has it bad for you, you know that right?”

Instead of answering, Kyungsoo just shrugged and walked into his room, not bothering to close the door. Instead, he threw himself onto his bed with a loud, drawn-out sigh.

 

Do Kyungsoo might have severely low self-esteem, but he wasn’t about to put all his eggs in one basket. Even if the said basket was Kim Coffee Shop Jongin, the boy Kyungsoo had had his heart set on for nearly two years.

Unlike the stories, comics, and movies, things were progressing slowly yet smoothly and without a flaw. Whenever Jongin had a problem, he immediately spoke about it, even with things concerning Kyungsoo himself.

“You know, you don’t have to agree whenever I ask you to go out. I’m waiting for you to tell me ‘no’ one day,” it was a soft suggestion. That much Kyungsoo could tell.

Instead of denying it or getting worked up, Kyungsoo turned it into a joke, “well, since you’re so hot for a no, then how about now? No, I don’t want to go hang out with Taemin and Moonkyu for a night of pizza and bad horror movies.”

Jongin had spent so much time around him that now he knew when Kyungsoo was joking, so he let out an amused snort and softly pinched Kyungsoo’s thigh in retaliation. After nearly two months of ‘dating,’ he was more than aware of Kyungsoo’s likes and dislikes.

And Kyungsoo loved bad horror movies and greasy pizza from the family-owned parlor down the street from their university.

Even as the corner of his eyes crinkled in joy and fluttering of the butterflies in his stomach matched the beating of his heart, Kyungsoo felt like, at any time, everything could go to shit and he hated it.

In fact, on especially bad days when he couldn’t bring himself to look in the mirror without disgust, he wondered why Jongin was choosing to be with him and not someone equally as attractive.

Like Sehun, one of the guys in Jongin’s group of friends.

They’d make a beautiful sight, all long limbs, chiseled features and the interesting contrast of Jongin’s ever-present tan and Sehun’s permanent lack-of.

Kyungsoo could always catch himself before he spiraled further, reminding himself that Oh Sehun was obnoxiously straight.

Also, one thing that always wormed its way into his subconscious was why Jongin hadn’t pushed for physical intimacy. Even people Kyungsoo had generally dated expected something by the third or fourth date, but Jongin hadn’t done more than innocently kiss him or hold his hand.

Why?

_Did Jongin like him enough to date him, but the thought of being intimate with him disgusted him? Or perhaps, Jongin wanted to keep things light until he found something better because everyone knows once you take someone’s virginity, they get clingy._

Did Jongin even know his situation regarding intimacy?

Usually, when he came out his depressive slumps, he tried to convince himself that he should eventually get around to disclosing his lack of experience. However, he always found reasons and excuses not to.

After all, it would come up.

Eventually, he’d have to tell Jongin. He just hoped he’d be ready when the time came.

 

The time, unfortunately, came much quicker than Kyungsoo had anticipated. He should’ve seen it coming when Jongin ended up in his apartment for a chicken and beer movie night.

With the summer in full swing, Baekhyun had the aircon cranked up to nearly the highest fan setting. It was blowing so cold that, if Jongin hadn’t been wrapped like a koala around Kyungsoo’s body, his teeth would've be chattering, but he knew better than to change it. He had made that mistake before and did not want to live with the consequences again.

Once had been enough.

Even if Baekhyun was dead asleep, he would wake up, sweaty and pissed and Kyungsoo wanted to avoid that, especially with Jongin around.

He was so focused on the movie playing, that he barely noticed that Jongin was nosing into his neck, taking deep breaths. It was only when the warm air started to tickle that he was keenly aware of how close Jongin was and how warm he was.

It wasn’t really anything sexual, but Kyungsoo could feel the familiar waves of arousal washing over him, making him shift in his seat uncomfortably.

His heart pounded in his chest and out the corner of his eye, he could see that Jongin wasn’t concerned with the movie anymore. Instead, his eyes were glued to Kyungsoo’s face, staring at something.

Something?

Oh, his lips.

He only knew when Jongin craned his neck and started kissing him, slow and deliberate, Jongin’s hands never moving from their place around Kyungsoo’s waist.

The other man’s lips tasted like his usual cherry lip balm, but as Jongin’s tongue languidly made its way past his lips, Kyungsoo tasted hints of the beer Jongin had been drinking earlier.

The movie played without their attention as Kyungsoo cautiously delved deeper into the kiss, running his own tongue against the back of Jongin’s teeth.

It was a wonder how spit didn’t interfere with things, but Kyungsoo wasn’t about to question it. Also, he had other things to worry about.

Like how Jongin’s hands were settled on his thighs when they pulled apart for a breather, silently asking for permission to continue.

Did he want to go forward? Put twenty-three years of shamefully winning every game of ‘never-have-I-ever’ behind him?

It was so tempting and yet there were also the voices, shrilling pointing out every single flaw imaginable.

“Sl-slow,” Kyungsoo stuttered, feeling humiliatingly shy as Jongin’s eyes weighed on him.

“We don’t have to Soo,” Jongin sighed, though it was hard to really believe him when Kyungsoo’s gaze drifted from his kiss-swollen lips to the noticeable—and terrifyingly impressive— tent in his track pants.

“I want to,” Kyungsoo sighed, reaching for Jongin’s hand and slowly placing it on the tent in his own shorts.

Jongin’s own cheeks colored at the gesture and he didn’t rush to move his hand, but he did, however, give Kyungsoo a look that made him feel like Jongin was trying to look through him for an honest answer.

A few moments later, he made a low hum and nodded, seeming to have found his answer. Silently, he moved to turn off the movie and pulled Kyungsoo into his own bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind them.

 

If all the porn he’d watched over the years was any indication, he and Jongin were about to have sex and the thought made the back of his neck sweat and his heart slam against his ribs.

Jongin went slow, grabbing his hand and pulling him to sit on his bed.

His thoughts ran wild as Jongin’s soft, cherry-flavored lips were on him again, moving against his own, slowly and languid, as Jongin gently pressed closer to him.

_He should say it._

Jongin’s kisses trailed down his neck.

_He should say it._

Jongin’s hands were playing with the waistband of his shorts.

_He really should say it._

Fingertips dipped past said waistband.

“Jo-Jong-Jongin,” Kyungsoo stammered, fighting back the moan that threatened to come out when Jongin’s teeth grazed his skin.

Immediately, Jongin stopped and pulled away from Kyungsoo. His hand quickly leaving Kyungsoo’s waistband to lay down on the comforter somewhere off to the side.

God, he was so understanding and Kyungsoo nearly wanted to shove his protest back in his mouth, but he really needed to get it out.

“I-I’m a vir-virgin,” Jongin’s eyes widened and his mouth opened a little before he schooled his reaction into a neutral one, “when we kissed on our second date, that was my first kiss too.” Kyungsoo tried so hard to not sound afraid, but his voice got lower as he spoke; his hands slightly trembling in his lap.

The room was hot and the walls felt like they were closing in on him. It seemed like an eternity before Jongin reacted, Kyungsoo’s heartbeat thudding in his eardrums the entire time as his arousal waned.

Jongin’s surprise went unschooled and Kyungsoo attempted to prepare himself for Jongin to make some excuse to leave and never call again.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

_Please say something, please. Don’t be like all the others_

Kyungsoo, expecting the worse, started to draw into himself waiting for Jongin to speak; do something break the silence.

Instead, Jongin nodded slowly and he reached for Kyungsoo’s hands, squeezing them in his own.

“Is this too much?” Jongin’s touch was calming, but Kyungsoo still felt his eyes sting and he inwardly muttered expletives, because no, it wasn’t too much. He wanted nothing more than to do this—anything—with Jongin, but he couldn’t get over himself.

_Kyungsoo the crybaby ahahaha_

_A virgin crybaby, Jongin really hit the jackpot_

Kyungsoo turned his head as tears flowed down his cheeks and Jongin sat still for a moment, his confusion feeling like physical hits to Kyungsoo.

He’d fucked everything up.

Now, Jongin would probably comfort him then leave, because it was the nice thing to do.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo sniffled, still trying to turn his face though it was quite obvious that he was crying.

Instead of the awkwardness, Kyungsoo was expecting, Jongin only pulled Kyungsoo into his chest and rocked him, letting him silently sob into his shirt.


	3. Planning

Kyungsoo hadn’t expected to wake up to the smell of breakfast in the air, but he wasn’t surprised when he saw that Jongin was gone.

The episode from last night would’ve scared off anyone. Even someone as loving and fantastic as Jongin.

_Because you’re a fuck up and you deserve to be alone_

Because he was a fuck up and he deserved to be by himself. No one deserved having to deal with him.

While the breakfast smelled too indulgent to be anything Baekhyun usually made, Kyungsoo figured the man was trying something new and he forced himself to get out of bed.

After a quick shower and brush of his teeth, Kyungsoo wandered into the common area, catching the familiar sight of black track pants and a gray One Piece shirt that looked a lot like his own.

Jongin.

He hadn’t left?

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo whispered, not sure if he was seeing things correctly. He hadn’t bothered to grab his glasses or put in his contacts, so it really could be one of Baekhyun’s latest conquests overstepping the boundaries of a one-night-stand.

But it wasn’t, because the person turned around with a huge smile.

“Did you sleep well?” Kyungsoo nodded dumbly and he stared, watching as Jongin finished cooking; preparing the impressive spread of French toast, bacon, eggs, and fruit.

He offered his help but was declined several times. He’d even tried to show Jongin where the plates and things were before the man politely mentioned that Baekhyun had already filled him in.

So, having nothing to do, Kyungsoo sat down at the small table and waited until Jongin sat a full plate of food in front of him, then sat down with a plate of his own.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Kyungsoo started. He’d already taken a few bites out of his food and found it was much more delicious than his own cooking. Jongin was just full of surprises.

Jongin’s chewing slowed and swallowed what was in his mouth, looking up at Kyungsoo with a befuddled expression.

“I know, but I wanted to do this,” Jongin countered, putting down his fork with a sigh, “you know, I’d hoped you would talk to me more because I know you hate people prying into your business, but we should talk now.”

The suggestion was soft enough to not make Kyungsoo recoil into himself, but that didn’t stop him from wincing at the suggestion.

“We’ve been dating for almost three months, I hope you understand that that means I like you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have wasted your time.”

_Or his own time._

“I really wanted to do—that—last night, but we were mov-moving too fast,” Kyungsoo stuttered, trying to think of a way to end this conversation. It made him feel like he was in therapy again and he hated it.

“I understand that and I apologize. I got too far ahead of myself last night,” Jongin spoke, his eyebrows arching in anger at himself before he shook his head, “I want to talk about why you won’t let me li—love you.”

For that, Kyungsoo had no coherent answer. Any response he could think of would probably end in mumbles.

They sat in silence for a few moments and Kyungsoo took a deep breath, trying to formulate and express to Jongin just how much he hated himself and how he believed that Jongin would decide to leave him when he got tired of the immense emotional labor.

How that would crush him.

But the words wouldn’t come out, so Kyungsoo just stared at his plate in anger, mostly towards himself.

More silence passed between them until Kyungsoo let out a loud sigh, attempting to calm his thundering pulse, “I hate myself and while I really really like you,” Kyungsoo had to pause, swallowing hard because it felt like there was a lump of lead lodged in his throat, “there something that's constantly telling me that you’re going to find someone better or hotter than me.”

Kyungsoo barely gathered the courage to look up at Jongin’s face, taking it that instead of looking disgusted or annoyed, he just looked sad and concerned.

Which was just as bad.

He didn’t want to be Jongin’s charity case.

“I—” Kyungsoo held up at hand to stop Jongin from speaking and shook his head.

“Please don’t feel bad for me. It’ll only make it worse,” Kyungsoo muttered, shoving a forkful of food into his mouth so he had a reason to not speak.

When Kyungsoo finally swallowed, Jongin reached across the table with open hands, a small smile on his face.

Unlike all the other times where Kyungsoo quickly reacted, this time he stared at Jongin’s palms, his stomach tossing as his thoughts raced.

Jongin must’ve waited for five minutes before he flexed his fingers, “I’ll wait however long you need me to.”

All of the naysaying voices quieted and Kyungsoo finally reached across the table, letting Jongin’s larger hands close around his.

~*~*~*~

Jongin was a man of his word and waited for Kyungsoo to initiate something more than chaste kisses on the lips and holding hands. It had been a few weeks (months?) since what Kyungsoo had since referred to as “that night.”

Kyungsoo was getting frustrated with himself.

It wasn’t the fact that he didn’t want to not sleep with Jongin, it was just that every time he thought of going further than their normal kisses and snuggling, the voices in his head talked him out of going any farther.

_He’s just pretending, he’ll never love you._

_Why would he want to be with you? You have no experience, you’d be boring._

But Kyungsoo wanted to change, wanted to be the boyfriend—he still could not believe that he was Jongin’s boyfriend or that Coffee Shop Jongin was  _his_ boyfriend—that he believed Jongin deserved; the boyfriend he wanted to be.

He was going to do it, screw the voices, he was going to bring their relationship to the next level, he was ready.

He wanted it.

He chose a weekend that Baekhyun was going to be out of town with one of his fuck buddies for a weekend getaway. It was nerve-wracking enough trying to make a move on his boyfriend, so he did not want to deal with the possibility that his loud roommate would do something to derail his plans.

It had all started when he was out one night with Minseok after meeting up for dinner. Jongin had gotten a text from Yixing asking if he could close up the cafe for the night since Joy, the girl who was scheduled, had something come up and could not make her shift.

Jongin’s absence at dinner meant that Kyungsoo could get some advice without spoiling the surprise he was planning for Jongin.

“Just take your time,” Minseok sighed, reaching for his glass of wine. Kyungsoo couldn’t help himself as he rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh, “yes, I know. Easier said than done, right?”

The older man had always been able to nearly read his mind, so he’d probably anticipated Kyungsoo’s reaction.

“He’s been so patient with me, but at this point, I’m giving the both of us unnecessary blue balls,” Kyungsoo whined as a frown spread across his face.

“Well, if you’re set on making this happen, then let’s talk about it. What are you hoping to accomplish? Do you want to go all the way? Are you comfortable with that?” Minseok took another sip of his wine.

Kyungsoo hesitated. What did he want to do?

Sleep with Jongin-yes, yes, absolutely!

Was he ready to make that happen?

Could he really quiet the voices enough to let that happen?

He sighed.

“No...maybe...eventually? I want to do something, but I’m confused!” He dropped his head down on the table in defeat. Maybe this was not the best idea on his part. Maybe he should just give up now and become a hermit in the mountains.

People still did that right?

“Hey, watch the wine!” Minseok lightly chastised, stabilizing his glass as it dangerously rattled from his younger friend’s dramatics.

“But really, there are other ways to get off than sex Soo. I mean, you’re 23 and I know for a fact that you watch porn. Shoot, some of my favorite ones are ones that you drunkenly gave as recommendations during our spring break trip a few years ago!”

“What does porn have to do with my current problem?” Kyungsoo whined. He wished that Minseok would get to the point already. He was in the middle of a crisis and didn't have time for porn related tangents.

“Masturbation, of course! You and Jongin can watch porn and get off together. You don’t have to be touching if you don’t think you’re ready for that, but maybe if you’re naked around each other, then eventually the idea of sex won’t be as daunting.”

Minseok was a fucking genius.

“But how the hell do I set that up, like ‘hey Jongin let’s watch porn together!’?” That sounded borderline idiotic, even to his own ears, so even before Minseok responded, he shot down his own suggestion quietly.

Minseok raised an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth quirked before he shook his head, “I wouldn’t go that route, but you should definitely broach the topic with him. That way, you can ease into it, so it doesn’t seem out of the blue.”

Kyungsoo mulled over the words as he picked at his food, going through each and every small detail and issue that could arise.  
Like the good friend he was, Minseok gave Kyungsoo more than enough time as he drained another glass of wine, shooting an occasional upward glance, across the table.

 

When dinner was finished, they parted ways and Minseok patted Kyungsoo on the back, giving him a strong “good luck,” and a calm smile.

As Kyungsoo rode the bus home, he tried to keep that same energy. The bus driver made it hard as they took the corners sharply and sped well above the speed limit, so some of Kyungsoo’s energy was spent hoping he’d arrive at his destination in one piece.

 

It was odd coming home to an empty, quiet and dark apartment, but Kyungsoo found he didn’t mind too much. He was far too preoccupied with the fact that Jongin would be sleeping over the following night, so he had to think of how to approach the other man with his—or rather Minseok’s—idea.

He didn’t want to pick a show or movie with a sex scene because those always made him feel awkward and he didn’t want this to be too awkward. In fact, he wanted things to go as naturally and smoothly as possible.

Which was why, when Jongin did come over and suggested that they preview the first episode of the summer season of animes, Kyungsoo nearly gave away himself in excitement.

Unlike how painful and awkward sex scenes could be, as an anime fan, he’d grown accustomed the unnecessary amounts of fanservice that involved sexual situations.

Perfect.

Just as he’d predicted, among the picks for the night was an overhyped sports anime, filled with college-aged boys. From the opening scene of the characters showering and making jokes, Kyungsoo figured that maybe things might be in his favor again.

As usual, Jongin’s legs were draped over Kyungsoo’s lap, though with the absence of Baekhyun, the aircon wasn’t set to a nearly-freezing temperature.

Around the second episode, the main character found himself having to share a bed with the captain of his team on a team retreat and the typical hilarity played out, as well as the subtle gay-not-gay jokes that were mainstays in sports animes.

“Before the summer’s over, we should go on a trip,” Jongin sighed, slightly shaking his legs to catch Kyungsoo’s attention.

It was a great thought, but Kyungsoo wanted to overcome this issue first.

“Yeah, we should,” Kyungsoo agreed, giving Jongin a nod. They fell back into silence soon after and the only noises that could be heard were the soft blowing of the aircon and dialogue between the characters on screen.

Another perfect moment came when the main character accidentally found himself walking in on another characters ‘private moment.’ While it was meant to be in good fun, it just made Kyungsoo feel jittery.

“Hey Jongin,” Kyungsoo started, tracing shapes on the nearly smooth, tanned surface of Jongin’s shins, “I was joking with Minseok the other day and I was wondering, what kind of porn do you like?”

Jongin was just as much of an anime fan as himself, so he was preoccupied with paying attention to the TV, so his mouth ran automatically, “uhh, solo cams, guy-on-guy, the normal stuff. Maybe even a threesome if I need a change. Why?”

“I was just curious,” Kyungsoo tried to sound nonchalant, but as usual, his heart started to beat quicker, “you should show me some stuff.”

Perhaps the words had finally filtered in Jongin’s because that made him jolt up from his slouching position and stare at Kyungsoo, his facial expression an amusing mix of surprise and uncertainty.

“Why? Would you be into that?” Kyungsoo met his gaze and nodded, chewing on his bottom lip.

From the colors that were flashing across the screen, it seemed they were probably missing an important plot point, but there were more important things at hand.

Like how Kyungsoo was this close to getting his boyfriend to go along with his sordid plans.

“Show me,” Kyungsoo spoke, his voice quiet as he reached to pause the video, then unplug the HDMI cable.

When he sat the laptop in Jongin’s lap, Jongin’s expression had softened to something that seemed carefully neutral. His fingers passed over the keys until it brought them to a website with a black background, typical of most porn websites.

With the occasional glance at Kyungsoo, Jongin navigated the site quickly. Within a few moments, a playlist of videos appeared on Kyungsoo’s computer screen.

“You’re sure you want to see? It’s k-kind of embarrassing,” Jongin muttered, a pink flush rising up his neck and to his cheeks. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but blush himself as he caught sight of the thumbnails.

Most of them depicted a lone man, naked, aroused and masturbating in front of a webcam. From the looks of it, the men seemed to be amateurs, most likely camboys. Sprinkled in between those, were the typical guy-on-guys and very few threesomes with mostly men and one woman.

“We could go to my room?” Again, Jongin looked at Kyungsoo, unsure of how to react.

“If you want,” Jongin answered, his eyes wide.

It was quite obvious that he had no idea what Kyungsoo wanted to do and despite his jittery nerves, it made Kyungsoo feel a small thrill.

Instead of the usual disappointment, Kyungsoo was to himself and Jongin, he could actually do something worthwhile for them both.

Kyungsoo hadn’t gotten off in nearly a month and when he had last taken care of himself, he’d imagined something like this situation with Jongin.

The voices weren’t going to stop him today.

_What if he goes soft once he sees you take off your shirt?_

_Remember that one time that foreign exchange student called you Dough Kyungsoo?_

There was no one coming home anytime soon so they could’ve done things in the living room, but Kyungsoo figured that might freak Jongin out and he wanted to avoid that.


	4. Visuals

So, they sat on Kyungsoo’s bed with the laptop between them and the volume at a decent level.

The first video was of an Asian man, similar to Kyungsoo’s build and height, sitting in front of what Kyungsoo assumed to be a webcam with his legs wide open, touching himself.

Every few seconds, Kyungsoo could feel Jongin’s eyes fall on him and he struggled between acknowledging the gazes or ignoring them.

Finally, when the man on the screen started to speed up and a slick sound—the sound of skin and lube—Kyungsoo decided to look at Jongin and he saw that despite Jongin’s nervous glances, he was still very much aroused by the video.

He kept licking his lips and shifting in place, trying to keep himself calm while Kyungsoo watched on like he was viewing a documentary.

“That guy kind of looks like me,” Kyungsoo commented, meaning for it to be offhanded. Sans for the facial features, the person on screen looked to be a body doppelganger to Kyungsoo and judging by the fact that it was near the top of the playlist, it was obvious it was Jongin’s favorite.

_Was that why it was Jongin’s favorite? Because the man looked like him?_

Jongin didn’t reply. Instead, his entire face turned red and he refused to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze.

While solo masturbation videos didn’t really do it for him, Kyungsoo found himself aroused at Jongin’s reaction to the video. The muscles in his shoulders, which were showcased and visible in his tank top, were tense, as were the ones in his arms and neck.

He was trying not to touch himself or Kyungsoo and the extent of his restraint was rather sexy.

Kyungsoo slid his fingers across the mousepad and moved on to another video, this one looking to be Japanese gay porn.

Unlike the previous video, the men on screen were dressed and they started off by having a light conversation. Kyungsoo could decipher some of it thanks to his two years of Japanese but found it boring until the boys started touching each other.

The kisses had too much tongue for Kyungsoo to be really into it, but he had to admit it was attractive how the two men pawed at each other’s clothes until they were both left in their underwear.

The camera zoomed in on the darkened spot in front of the shorter man’s underwear, showing how aroused he was, already.

The thought made Kyungsoo’s stomach toss and his body started to show just how turned on he was. With another quick glance at Jongin, Kyungsoo saw how hard his Adam's Apple bobbed in his throat and the not-so-subtle way that Jongin attempted to cross his legs to hide his erection.

Kyungsoo’s eyes fell back on the screen and the taller of the two men was hovering over the other, his hand down his underwear.

Without looking away from the screen, Kyungsoo cleared his throat, “you know, you can uh-tou-touch yourself. I don’t mi-mind.”

It hadn’t come out as confident as he would’ve liked, but it’d come out nonetheless and the heavy words hung in the air.

Jongin took the time to process what Kyungsoo said to him and he stared blankly for a few moments before he wrung his hands in his lap, his gaze locked on Kyungsoo.

“I’ve never jack-uh-did that in front of anyone,” in the middle of the sentence, the pitch of Jongin’s voice went down and Kyungsoo felt another wave of arousal wash over him. Jongin’s sudden shyness was adding fuel to the fire.

“You won-won’t be ah-alone.” Jongin’s eyes widened and he swallowed hard, realizing exactly what Kyungsoo had in mind.

 

It was awkward at first.

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if he should take off his clothes, but when he saw Jongin slowly pulling off his shirt, he followed suit.

All of the mirrors were turned away from Kyungsoo’s bed for several reasons, the prime one being he hated catching glimpses of himself in the morning, so when his shirt was off, he focused on Jongin’s body.

All lean muscle and tan skin, Jongin was just as interesting and appealing to look at unclothed, as he was clothed.

The voices started up their usual insults, but Kyungsoo couldn’t focus on them because he could feel Jongin’s eyes burning into his skin.

No one had ever looked at him with such an intense desire.

Jongin’s hands hovered around the waistband of his shorts, reluctant to actually pull them off.

_Deep breath._

Kyungsoo pulled down his own shorts, leaving him in only his underwear.

He _felt_ Jongin’s eyes raking up and down his body, pausing to stare at his uncovered thighs.

_He’s disgusted._

No, it wasn’t disgust in Jongin’s eyes.

Kyungsoo was more than familiar with disgust because it was how he looked at himself.

This look was different.

“You’re really ah-attractive,” Jongin stammered, finally dragging his eyes back up to Kyungsoo’s face, as he followed Kyungsoo’s lead and slipped off his shorts.

Everything about the situation should’ve felt more awkward, but as Kyungsoo took in how Jongin was blushing, it just made him want to move the situation forward.

Jongin was the first to move this time and he sat back down on Kyungsoo’s bed, glancing at Kyungsoo before he pressed play on the waiting video, silently beckoning Kyungsoo to sit next to him.

Before Kyungsoo gave any attention to the video, he reached between his pillows and got the lube, sitting it between his and Jongin’s thighs. Jongin’s blush darkened and his eyes darted between Kyungsoo and the video.

The sweet words, heavy petting, and too-much-tongue kisses were over and after nearly ten minutes of the people on screen sixty-nine-ing, they finally started to fuck.

It shouldn’t have been hot how Jongin’s breath caught in his throat when the taller of the two slipped inside the shorter one, letting out a breathy ‘you feel so good.’

A cacophony of moans filled Kyungsoo’s otherwise quiet room and Kyungsoo tentatively reached to palm at his crotch. He was already so hard and when he caught sight of Jongin’s hand down his underwear, his dick twitched and his chest tightened.

Encouraged and inspired, Kyungsoo reached into his own underwear and squeezed the head of his dick, his fist becoming slick with the conspicuous amounts of precome that’d collected.

Just like before, he could feel Jongin’s eyes on him, but now that he’d fallen into a familiar rhythm, it was hard to stop.

The people on screen had switched to one of Kyungsoo’s favorite positions, so his wrist moved a little quicker as the bottom rose and fell in the lap of the other man, letting out moans that sounded enthusiastic and excited.

Jongin seemed to like it as well and he gave up the shy pretense, inching down the waistband of his underwear until his dick was unencumbered by fabric.

Kyungsoo could barely hear the sounds from the video because of his heart thudding in his eardrums, but that didn’t stop him from catching the sharp breaths Jongin took and how he gripped the shaft of his dick tightly.

Like he didn’t want to come.

That didn’t seem to go as planned, because as he looked over at Kyungsoo, probably taking in his flushed cheeks, careful breathing and how furious his hand was moving underneath his underwear, he let out something a cross between a choke and a cough.

When Kyungsoo caught his eye, Jongin’s entire body shivered and shook as he came, white seeping over his tight fist while he continued to ignore the video playing and only look at Kyungsoo.

His entire body felt warm and the muscles in his legs were tingling as his orgasm seem to rise from the tips of his toes and travel upwards.

Jongin had come for him. Because of him.

He’d only had to look at him.

And the knowledge of that, as well as the sight of Jongin trying to regulate his breathing as he held eye contact with Kyungsoo.

The video was forgotten as Kyungsoo kept stroking, still looking towards Jongin as the other licked his lips and watched him.

His orgasm hit him all at once, yet Kyungsoo felt like everything happened in slow motion as the sticky warmth covered his fist and the inside of his underwear.

Even as Kyungsoo came down, struggling not to feel mortified that he’d come in his underwear or that he was slouched on his bed with his shirt off, in front of Jongin.

The voices laughed at him, but before one of them could start speaking, Jongin wiped his hand on his shorts and closed the laptop, crawling over to Kyungsoo.

The kiss they shared shouldn’t have felt as innocent after what they’d just done, but Kyungsoo enjoyed it and let it calm his mind, absentmindedly reaching to wipe his own hand on the shirt he’d discarded earlier.

Kyungsoo’s eager response made Jongin bolder, so he moved forward until he was holding himself above Kyungsoo, looking down at him.

“That was so hot,” Jongin sighed, a wicked grin on his face.

Kyungsoo still wasn’t recovered from coming in front of another person, so all he could do was give Jongin a hard nod.

Jongin’s lips moved against his like they were meant to be there and for a few, long moments, Kyungsoo forgot the rapidly cooling come in his underwear.

When he did remember it, however, he simply tugged them down his thighs and let them fall to the floor.

Just like that, he was completely naked underneath Jongin and his mind was focused only on kissing and tasting more of Jongin’s mouth as he cradled the other’s jaw.

 

Kyungsoo lost track of how long they were just kissing each other, but when Jongin finally pulled away, Kyungsoo was hard again, as was Jongin.

The only difference was that Jongin still had on his underwear and Kyungsoo did not.

Instead of trying to touch him or persuade him to go further, Jongin gave Kyungsoo a soft smile and kissed him once more before he suggested that they go take a shower.

It was Kyungsoo’s idea that they shower together.

To save water of course.

_Whatever drug you gave him to think you’re hot is going to wear off_

_Especially when he sees you wet like a dog left out in the rain_

Jongin squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand as they walked into the bathroom, waiting as Kyungsoo got the water to a reasonable temperature.

It was only when Kyungsoo felt a small draft, probably from the cool air pushing underneath his closed bedroom door, that he was reminded again, that he was naked.

Completely naked.

And Jongin hadn’t batted a single eye—sort of, because he was definitely still checking Kyungsoo out—as the voices had quietly said he would.

With the water ready, Kyungsoo pulled Jongin into the warm spray of water.

Jongin had to borrow clothes from Kyungsoo due to the very—sticky—state of his clothes and it was no coincidence that Jongin received the only pair of basketball shorts he owned.

Even as they resumed their cuddling and anime-watching, Kyungsoo eyes kept drifting to Jongin’s crotch when he knew the other wasn’t looking.

The more thought he gave to Jongin’s dick, the less he discreet he became with his glances, not that Jongin was going to point them out.

Even if it was in his own mind, Kyungsoo found heat rising to his face as he thought about how much he wanted to see the face Jongin had made earlier, though from his knees next time.

It was embarrassing how much liberty his mind was taking now that he’d crossed one of his own boundaries.

Baby Steps.

 

In the middle of the summer, Jongin’s sister sent a ticket, asking him to come visit her in the US. It was only for two weeks, but considering the fact that Jongin and Kyungsoo saw each other more than three times a week, it seemed like a long time.

Kyungsoo, however, wasn’t freaked out.

“I really think you’re thinking too much about this. Just go and have fun. I’ll be here when you come back,” Kyungsoo reasoned, laying on Jongin’s chest as they lounged in Jongin’s bed. He still smelled like fresh coffee because he’d asked Kyungsoo to come over when his shift finished.

As a surprise, Kyungsoo had just walked to the shop, then Jongin invited Kyungsoo over to his place.

Not too different from his own apartment, Jongin lived with a Chinese foreign exchange student named Tao.

Kyungsoo heard a few things about him, but mostly they were just things Jongin observed in passing because Tao was rarely home.

They were alone and in Jongin’s bed, but Kyungsoo didn’t feel pressured to do anything. There were no expectations for him to meet, though his mind wandered in the direction of the gutter when Jongin stretched, revealing his softly toned stomach.

The only thing that’d brought his thoughts to a more decent level was Jongin mentioned the trip, the expression on his face like a kicked puppy.

“You sure you won’t miss me too much? Like I said, she kind of sprung this on me last minute and it’s pretty soon,” it was cute really. Jongin didn’t want to be away from him and while he was playing it cool, he wasn’t too fond of being apart either.

That aside, Kyungsoo was also thinking about what he wanted to do next in their relationship, physically.

He’d already watched Jongin get off and following that, he’d become less shy, his hands squeezing and touching everything he wanted when they kissed.

Jongin was equally becoming a bit bolder. During their many makeout sessions, Jongin hands left their usual station at his waist and wandered down to his ass and thighs, squeezing lightly.

Jongin hadn’t specifically verbalized it, but Jongin seemed to really love how thick his lower body was. As something he’d inherited from his mother, he’d always despised how now matter how much weight he lost, his thighs and ass remained plush and soft while the rest of his body diminished.

Now, after picking up on Jongin’s special attention, he took to wearing the tightest shorts and jeans he could find. Also, when he knew Jongin was coming over, he wore his high school gym shorts, reveling in the sharp intake of breath Jongin would make whenever he had them on.

The voices hadn’t stopped.

In fact, it seemed like there were more, all insisting that Jongin had created an elaborate ruse and was stringing him along to have sex with him.

But Kyungsoo found that his time and patience for listening to this was dwindling, quickly.


	5. A Helping Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much longer than the previous ones, so strap yourself in because we are going on a feels rollercoaster. 
> 
> Also, Red Velvet appears, particularly Sooyoung (Joy).

Next on his list was a handjob, mutual or not. He wanted to touch Jongin and now that Jongin was leaving in the next few days, he wanted to give his boyfriend something to remember while he was in the US.

It wasn’t nearly as cold in Jongin’s apartment as Kyungsoo’s, so Jongin was sporting running shorts and a faded Chess club t-shirt.

Jongin’s large hand was palming the swell of his ass, somewhat absentmindedly as they rewatched a season of Rick and Morty. Now that he’d told Kyungsoo about the trip and Kyungsoo had reassured him, Jongin had relaxed.

Which was perfect for Kyungsoo.

Subtly, yet not so much, his hand trailed down Jongin’s chest, resting just below his navel. Like the anxious nerd that he was, Kyungsoo timed it, forcing himself to keep still for nearly ten minutes.

The first movement had caught Jongin’s attention, but when Kyungsoo stilled, he ignored it and turned his attention back to the TV.

It was always humorous how easily Jongin fell prey to Kyungsoo’s little traps.

Jongin shifted his body a bit, making his t-shirt hike up some more. Now Kyungsoo’s arm hands were rested on warm skin with no separation.

The sparse hair of Jongin’s happy trail tickled Kyungsoo’s palm and he shifted from very-subtle to not-so-subtle-at-all.

Kyungsoo could hear the shift of the Jongin’s head as he glanced down at what Kyungsoo was doing, as well as his face.

He was excited, but he kept his face carefully blank.

Pressing further, his hand slid underneath the waistband of Jongin’s shorts and again, he paused.

Just like before, Kyungsoo was anxious, but he was also feeding off of Jongin’s curious energy.

The elastic pressed against his wrist and as he pushed further down, he realized that Jongin had decided to forgo underwear because his fingertips pressed into Jongin’s—rapidly filling—dick.

Like before, Jongin’s gaze fell on Kyungsoo and watched—and felt—as Kyungsoo’s hands touched him lightly and carefully.

When Kyungsoo finally got the nerve to actually grip him, Jongin let out sharp exhale and immediately Jongin filled in his hand.

Kyungsoo couldn’t see Jongin’s dick, so he worked purely by touch and feel. On a careful stroke up, his fingers were met with a damp, stickiness and Kyungsoo felt his throat tighten.

Jongin was staring right at him and was turned on so much that once again, what they were watching went forgotten.

Before Kyungsoo could ask, he saw Jongin shift and drop a bottle of lube on the bed. With a shy smile—that made Jongin’s dick twitch in his hand—he let go and squirted some into his hand, clenching his fist to warm it.

In the meantime, Jongin, who wasn’t really a fan of clothing within the confines of his own home, had shimmied out his shorts.

That meant that when Kyungsoo’s attention fell on his dick again, it was curved and resting on Jongin’s stomach, the tip shining with precome.

In a spur of the moment, Kyungsoo leaned up and kissed Jongin, taking him by surprise as well. Unlike their usual soft kisses that slowly increased in intensity, Kyungsoo leaned into this one and he was so impatient to taste Jongin’s mouth that their teeth clashed.

That didn’t discourage him though, because soon, Jongin slackened up and let Kyungsoo’s tongue into his own mouth, urging it to tangle with his own before delving deeper. Simultaneously, Kyungsoo resumed his grip on Jongin and started to stroke him slowly, squeeze when he reached the head because it was what he liked.

When Jongin moaned into his mouth, he saw that it was what Jongin liked as well, so he kept doing it.

In the midst of the kissing, Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s arm, effectively making him move to straddle his thighs. During all of this, they never broke apart and the only sounds Kyungsoo could hear as his body pushed him to do more and stroke Jongin faster, were the slick sounds of his hand, their kissing and the muttering from the TV.

There was a grip on his hand his bicep and when they finally pulled away from each other, Jongin’s mouth opened in a pant and his eyes were glossy, “I’m gonna come Soo.”

Instead of slowing down, Kyungsoo sped up and basked in how he felt Jongin’s tense then relax as he came, streaking Kyungsoo’s fist and Jongin’s shirt with white.

There might’ve been a devious streak in Kyungsoo, because he kept stroking, milking every drop from Jongin until the other started to shake, letting out a pained whimper.

Kyungsoo finally let him go and stared at his hand, finally feeling the throbbing of his own arousal.

“Can I touch you?” Jongin asked, his voice quiet as he held Kyungsoo’s hips. Since Kyungsoo was still straddling him, they were in a good position for Jongin to return to the favor.

Did he want Jongin to touch him?

Or rather, was he ready for Jongin to touch him?

_He’s only doing this out of obligation._

_No._

“Yes.” One of Jongin’s hands that was rested on his waist, thumbed the warm skin beneath Kyungsoo’s shirt. It felt like a massage, but there was a sensual hint to it, silently promising something.

Kyungsoo could only sit still and enjoy as Jongin’s hands touched him beneath his clothes, finally moving from his upper body to his lower half.

_You’re so desperate. Look at you moaning like a whore and about to come, he only just touched you._

He was desperate, but not in the way the voices were insisting.

He wanted Jongin to touch him.

Make him come.

That was why when Jongin’s hands finally pushed past the waistbands of both his shorts and underwear, Kyungsoo fell forward a little bit.

It startled Jongin, but he kept going, his eyes never leaving Kyungsoo’s, constantly checking if Kyungsoo was enjoying himself.

Jongin seemed to weigh Kyungsoo’s dick in his hand, making an appreciative hum before he tightened his fist and started stroking, not even needing lube because of Kyungsoo’s conspicuous amounts of precome.

Each stroke felt like liquid fire in Kyungsoo’s veins and he made it known, not even bothering to limit just how vocal he was getting. This was different than the previous time because this was the first time he was being touched by someone else.

It was the first time, someone else was making him come and his body felt like he was on a rollercoaster.

Kyungsoo knew he wasn’t going to last long because Jongin was exceptionally good at gauging what he liked and he was also the most turned on he’d been in his life.

With the crook of his wrist and well-timed squeezes, Kyungsoo came with a breathy sigh. He lay his head on Jongin’s shoulder and tried to get his brain to start working regularly as he recovered.

It proved difficult, but one advantage Kyungsoo had was that the voices took a break.

There were no thoughts about how heavy he must be in Jongin’s lap or how easily he was giving himself to his boyfriend.

Just solitude.

Unintentionally, he ended up falling asleep. He only knew he’d fallen when he woke up to a peal of low, rumbling laughter that he felt in his own chest.

When he opened his eyes, he saw that Jongin was holding onto him, almost like a kid. In a brief moment of embarrassed panic, he saw a small dark spot of drool on Jongin’s t-shirt.

“I mu-must’ve been so hea-heavy, oh my god, I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo mumbling, moving to climb from Jongin’s lap.

Only, Jongin didn’t let him. He tightened his grip around Kyungsoo and shook his head, his eyes and voice both going soft, “no, no, it’s fine Soo. You’re fine. I like it.”

Sometimes, the voices didn’t need to put Kyungsoo down because he’d learned to beat them to the punch.

Jongin’s hands were still wrapped around his waist, keeping him close and Kyungsoo, despite his initial protest, enjoyed it.

“I like it too,” Kyungsoo admitted quietly, leaning back against Jongin’s chest.

The voices had awakened from their nap as well.

_You need too much. He’s going to get tired of it_

_His legs are probably numb from supporting your ass_

“Did you have a good nap?” Jongin asked, humor in his voice as his arms rising to circle around Kyungsoo’s back. Instead of answering, Kyungsoo buried his face in Jongin’s chest, feeling his face heat in embarrassment.

 

Kyungsoo stood outside the security checkpoint, holding Jongin’s duffle bag as Jongin frantically patted down his pockets, looking for his passport.

“I swear I put it in my pocket,” Jongin whined, reaching in the deepest depths of his pockets to confirm its absence.

While it was cute to watch Jongin huff, Kyungsoo knew Jongin’s boarding time was approaching quickly, so he started to aid Jongin in the search.

The jacket Jongin had haphazardly thrown into his backpack—they found out about ten minutes later—was where he’d tucked his passport.

With very little time to say goodbye, Jongin grabbed his backpack and duffle bag, gave Kyungsoo’s a quick kiss and ran towards the growing line.

 

Before Jongin had left, following Kyungsoo’s spontaneous and quite energetic handjob, he’d made sure to leave several hickies that didn’t have a chance of fading anytime soon.

Kyungsoo probably looked like a strange person as his fingers pressed into the marks from over his shirts, grinning to himself as he looked out the window of the bus.

“Jongin left for his trip?” Baekhyun asked, looking up as Kyungsoo let himself into the apartment and slumped on to the couch, a blank look on his face.

“Was I that obvious?” Kyungsoo’s response only made Baekhyun laugh and he shook his head, turning his attention back to his latest obsession, murder mysteries documentaries.

It was only when an ad came on in the middle of the video, that Baekhyun spoke again, “so, uh, Baekhyun and couple of his friends are having a party. You want to go? He asked me to ask you.”

A party?

Kyungsoo hadn’t been to a party since his first and only one during his freshman year. If his memory served him correctly, he’d drank too much after being pressured to chug an entire bottle of a juice, soju, and other questionable alcohols by people who he’d considered his friend.

The only people who’d cared enough to make sure he didn’t choke or drown in his own vomit had been Minseok and Baekhyun.

Freshman year had been rough.

It was one of the reasons why Kyungsoo pretty much avoided parties and kept mostly to himself.

“Who’s going to be there?” Kyungsoo found himself asking.

He was older now and knew his limits.

“Chanyeol, me, a few of Chanyeol’s club members, some girls and this guy named Tao. I’m trying to get him to agree to a threesome with Chanyeol and me,” words that didn’t even shock Kyungsoo as they left Baekhyun’s mouth.

“Sure, I’ll go. I’m not gonna drink much though,” Kyungsoo answered.

Agreeing to go to a party was completely uncharacteristic for him and the voices made sure he knew it.

_Getting bold now that you have a boyfriend? Cute_

_You don’t want Jongin to think his loner boyfriend stayed home and waited for him to get back?_

_Rich, this should be entertaining. Do Kyungsoo, in a highly social situation. Don’t make me laugh_

 

The party came quicker than Kyungsoo had anticipated and before he knew it, he, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were in a taxi, going towards the club district.

Baekhyun must’ve seen the flash of panic across Kyungsoo’s face and he leaned over, “you know, we’re not going clubbing. The person having the party just lives around here.”

Following Kyungsoo’s catastrophic experience with learned his tolerance on the fly, he tended to avoid anything he needed to be drunk to enjoy. Also, the clubs were always packed and as a person who didn’t like tight spaces, Baekhyun also had an intense dislike of clubs, so he’d never drag Kyungsoo to one.

When the got to the address, Chanyeol paid for the cab and they walked to a gate, ringing the inconspicuous doorbell. Within a few moments, they were buzzed in and the door unlocked with a soft pop.

They climbed the single flight of concrete stairs and found themselves in a dark courtyard.

“Is this person rich or?” Kyungsoo wondered out loud, gazing at the space. Chanyeol chuckled and explained that Joohyun had inherited the house from her grandparents. Since it was close to her job and a short bus or taxi ride away from school, she apparently had the house all to herself.

Perfect for a party.

“Chanyeol, Baekhyun? You guys came!” Joohyun shouted, her cheeks already pink from alcohol. When she saw Kyungsoo, she gasped and nearly dropped the box of cigarettes in her hand, “Do Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo gave a shy wave and handed over the convenience store bags loaded with bottles of soju, flavor mixers and cups, not fazed by the girl’s reaction.

Nor the consequent reactions that occurred when he walked into the house after slipping off his shoes.

The social scene wasn’t his thing, so whenever he did go out, there was always someone who’d heard about him and was amazed to see him outside school.

In addition to the girls, who were fascinated by Kyungsoo’s presence, a dark-haired man approached him and made sounds of approval, “so you’re Jongin’s boyfriend.”

With those words, the girls cooed and their went eyes wide as they asked Kyungsoo about Jongin.

It was uncomfortable being in the spotlight, especially as Baekhyun pouted from the couch, probably a little miffed that the guy he was trying to fuck was focused on Kyungsoo.

As thank you for getting him out of the house and away from the thoughts that would be waiting for him, Kyungsoo found an opening in the conversation and asked Tao what he liked. Shockingly, at the top of his list were murder mysteries, so Kyungsoo directed him towards Baekhyun.

Not even trying to hide how excited he was, Baekhyun’s entire facial expression morphed to a huge smile and he started animatedly talking about the latest video he’d watched.

Chanyeol drifted in and out the conversation, adding details here and there because his interest lay mostly in serial killer documentaries.

What a peculiar trio they made.

 

The cup that’d taken up residence in Kyungsoo’s hand was filled with coke and rum and despite putting a dent in the amount, the ice was melting quickly and watering it down.

That was fine with him.

He didn’t make too much effort to talk to anyone else, but whenever someone addressed him, he would entertain them for a little while, carrying on small talk.

In the meanwhile, the voices were quiet, probably taken aback at the dramatic increase in socialization Kyungsoo.

Somehow, he got roped into a drinking game with the others and he made himself another rum and coke before he sat down at the large table.

“So we’re going to play never-have-I-ever,” Seulgi announced, clasping her hands together as she wiggled her eyebrows. Joohyun and Yeri groaned in disgust, but they also made themselves new drinks, sitting on either side of Seungwan.

When everyone was settled down and had fresh drinks, Joohyun started off by explaining the rules: first, everyone had to hold up five fingers. They would ask their questions in a counterclockwise direction. If a person had done what was asked, they would have to not only take a sip of their drink but also put a finger down. There was also a large glass of a beer/soju mix in the middle of the table. The first person to lose all their fingers had to chug the entire glass. In the event that several people went out at once, they would play rock, paper, scissors to decide the true loser. Following that, the game would resume, but the beer/soju would be replaced with plain soju or other liquor shots.

The person who won all rounds of the game got to choose the next playlist of music.

All in all, things seemed pretty fair, so Kyungsoo found a bit of excitement bubbling up in his stomach.

“Okay, first question” Joohyun spoke, her voice ringing over the music, “never have I ever blown a guy on the first date.” As she spoke, she eyed both Seungwan and Baekhyun, watching with satisfaction as they both sipped their drinks and put down a finger.

“Never have I ever watched porn with significant other,” Seungwan shot back, a creepy grin spread across her face as she watched Joohyun put down a finger and drink.

The only person who saw Kyungsoo put a finger down, was Tao, and his eyebrows arched before he schooled his expression again.

Now it was Kyungsoo’s turn and several questions tossed in his mind.

If he went too childish, everyone might scoff at him, but if he went too dirty, people might judge him.

_Say ‘never have I ever had sex’ just let them know the sad virgin that you are_

“Never have I ever blew anyone in the back of a car,” it was tame enough, considering the crowd and several people hooted before they put a finger down and drank.

Relief flooded over him as the attention fell on Baekhyun, now that it was his turn to ask.

He couldn’t help but chuckle, because considering how much he knew about Baekhyun’s sex life, there wasn’t much the man had done. He’d either have to say something outrageous or take them back to their middle school days.

“Never have I ever had sex with my roommate,” the smirk on Baekhyun’s face was killer as his eyes ran over the girls, watching as everyone, even Joohyun put down a finger. When he turned to Kyungsoo, he winked and took a sip of his drink anyway.

By the time it was Kyungsoo’s turn again, nearly everyone had one finger, sans himself and surprisingly Sooyoung, who’d only come to the party shortly before they’d started playing.

“Never have I ever had fuck buddies.” A direct target at Baekhyun, though he managed to knock Joohyun, Chanyeol, Tao, Seungwan, Yerim, and Seulgi out as well.

Watching them play rock, paper, scissors with such serious expressions was the funniest things Kyungsoo had seen in a long time, so he barely noticed Sooyoung scooting closer to him.

“Uh, wow good one. I was scared I’d have to go again and well, I’m not really experienced in things.” The way she emphasized ‘things’ piqued Kyungsoo’s interest and he turned to her, wondering if they shared what he was thinking they shared.

“Me, either, really,” and it was true. Everything that’d happened with Jongin, had been a first.

 

The game went quicker following the second round and soon, the only two left were Kyungsoo and Sooyoung.

Everyone was slightly drunk, but also very interested in seeing who got the honor of picking the next playlist, so the game’s last round had a large audience.

“Never have I ever had sex,” Kyungsoo blinked and he kept his—three—fingers raised and shrugged.

There was a muffled gasp and Seungwan leaned closer, gawking at Kyungsoo, “with a boyfriend like Jongin, I would be pregnant, fuck.”

The statement pulled chuckles from the other girls, sans for Sooyoung, who looked vaguely uncomfortable.

“Never have I ever kissed on the first date,” Kyungsoo sighed, unsure of what else to do. Between the two of them, they were probably the least experienced in the entire area.

Yes, even including old people. Definitely including the old people.

Kyungsoo was inwardly shocked when Sooyoung put a finger down and took a sip of her drink, leaving her with one finger and Kyungsoo with his three.

They went back and forth for nearly ten minutes before Sooyoung knocked him down two fingers.

Finally, they were both even and everyone was on the edge of their seats, anxious to see what Sooyoung would say to try to get Kyungsoo out.

Never have I ever…” Sooyoung’s voice trailed off and her lips pressed together as her brow furrowed in thought, “given anyone a handjob.” From the curious look on her face, it was obviously a shot in the dark, but it worked.

Kyungsoo put down his last finger and reached for the two shots of soju in the middle of the table, downing them both with difficulty.

“The winner is Park Sooyoung. As promised,” Joohyun announced, handing Sooyoung her phone to choose the next playlist.

 

The music was pretty decent and everyone was friendly enough after the game, but around 2 AM, Kyungsoo’s social battery went out and once he finished his third cup of rum and coke, he was a little buzzed and he’d spent nearly an hour talking to Sooyoung.

It was time to go home.

After telling everyone goodbye, Kyungsoo went home and climbed into his bed, falling into an unusually dreamless sleep.

 

When he woke up at the tender hour of 11 o’clock, his phone was softly buzzing with a call from Jongin.

“Wake up, sleepy head,” Kyungsoo groaned and sat up, looking at the clock next to his bed.

“Shouldn’t you be doing something? It’s barely even night time there,” Jongin laughed into the receiver and launched into how his sister, niece and nephew’s plans were spoiled by the rare rainy weather. Apparently, Rahee and Raeon had insisted that he go to an American carnival because he ‘couldn’t possibly see them in Korea.’

Hearing Jongin’s voice made the slight throbbing of his head calm and he leaned back into his pillows.

“So what did you do?” Kyungsoo talked about his venture into the social world and how he’d actually lost a game of Never Have I Ever.

Maybe it was an excitement in his voice because Jongin chuckled and gave him a soft ‘congrats.’

Really it shouldn’t have meant as much as it did to him, but it did, so despite how crummy he was feeling, he had a grin on his face.

Jongin continued to tell him more about his trip, but small, shrill voices interrupted in the background in English, demanding that Jongin watch them perform a dance.

“I’ll let you get back to your entourage. They are demanding your attention,” Kyungsoo sighed, still smiling. Jongin declined to do so at first, but then there was a muffled sound and one of the background voices was loud and clear in his ear.

“Uncle Jongin is busy. Can you please call him back later?” Kyungsoo laughed when he heard Jongin screaming in the background, picturing how one of the kids had probably grabbed Jongin’s phone while the other tackled him.

“Sure.” He’d barely finished talking when the call ended. Quickly, he typed a message telling Jongin to call him back when the kids were asleep and to not worry about them hanging up on him.

Jongin sent back a pitiful emoji and about five apologies before he gave into the children.

 

When Kyungsoo woke up again, it was nearly five o’clock, so he dragged himself out the bed and went out into the living room and kitchen.

As was normal, Baekhyun was watching another documentary and there was a cold patch on Chanyeol’s head, as well as a stomach medicine bottle on the coffee table.

“He lost a drinking game with Seungwan and Yerim last night, so he has a hangover from hell,” there was a soft smile on Baekhyun’s face as he threaded his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair and Kyungsoo felt a pang of loneliness, really feeling Jongin’s absence.

Just as he was about to start cooking an early dinner, he heard a commotion from Baekhyun’s room and he watched as a half-dressed Tao stumbled out the room, clutching his head.

Baekhyun worked fast.

Instead of staring, he only offered a hello and went back to preparing dinner, making a mental note to prepare another serving of food.

 

Kyungsoo’s mind wandered as he caught up on the few animes he’d actually liked during his and Jongin’s preview session, and during the opening of the last show he needed to watch, the voices spoke.

_You think maybe he found a girl or guy in California? I heard all the people there are hot. Not that you would know about being hot right?_

_Right, in fact, eat more of those chips you’re stuffing into your face. You definitely need that_

Kyungsoo dropped the chips he’d been absentmindedly eating and tried to think of happier things to ward off the negativity. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to work.

_It’s a good thing you aim the mirrors away from your bed, god you should see yourself_

_Jongin will probably come back from his trip and come to his senses about you, so you better get ready_

From there, the voices spiraled and echoed, repeating and snowballing until it was the only thing Kyungsoo could hear.

Tears filled his eyes against his will and reached to turn off his TV and the lights in his room. Shaking, he switched off his phone and locked his door, plunging himself into literal darkness and silence.

_I hope you don’t expect Jongin to fix you. No one can fix you. Fix this_

As quietly as he could, Kyungsoo curled into himself and wept into his blankets, once again falling prey to the voices. 

The more he cried, the louder and more confident they got.

_Oh look, Do Kyungsoo the crybaby is back! We missed him_

_See this? This is the real you_

_This is the Kyungsoo we know!_

Kyungsoo cried until there weren’t any more tears and his throat hurt, feeling like he’d swallowed pieces of glass.

Eventually, he cried to himself to sleep, though unlike his peaceful slumber before, the nightmares from when he and Jongin first started dating returned.

 

After the third scenario of Jongin not even bothering to break up with Kyungsoo, choosing to just ignore him and walk around with his new boyfriend instead, Kyungsoo forced himself awake with a startle.

Covered in sweat and his heart racing, he covered his eyes with hands and pressed hard, trying to wipe clean the memory of the dreams.

_They weren’t real._

_They aren’t real. He loves you._

Kyungsoo tried to remember that, tried to hold onto it as he wrapped his arms around himself and rocked forward.

He forced himself to turn on his phone and as the bright light burned his puffy eyes, he saw several messages waiting.

Three from Jongin and two from Sooyoung.

With a deep breath, he opened Jongin’s messages, watching the video he sent of him making a corny heart with his arms.

**I hope you’re resting well :3 Have a good night and I love you~**

**Also, I miss you and wish you were here :,(**

He hadn’t remembered giving Sooyoung his number, but he opened the message anyway.

**Hey Kyungsoo! I was wondering if you had time for coffee? There’s something I want to talk to you about. Please let me know soon~**

Underneath the message, there was a cute emoji of raccoon giving a small smile and peace sign. He replied back to Jongin with a bunch of emojis, clearly not reflecting how he was feeling and then he went back to Sooyoung’s message.

Exactly what did she want to talk about? Why was she interested in talking to him, more importantly?

He felt like shit and he was sure he looked the part as well, but he decided to respond positively. Maybe, this would keep his mind focused on something else besides himself.

**Sure? When do you want to meet up?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drink responsibly~


	6. Welcome Home

The next morning, Kyungsoo felt like death warmed over and it took everything to drag himself out of bed.

Sooyoung had wanted to meet early because she had to work later in the afternoon, plus this was a casual meeting amongst new friends, so getting coffee early seemed like the logical thing to do.

 

Sitting alone at a table nestled in the back of the shop, Sooyoung was reading something on her phone. She was so focused and enthralled that when Kyungsoo approached the table with two vanilla lattes, she nearly jumped out her seat.

“I should’ve said something, I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo muttered. his tone reflecting his mood, which was still not the best. He’d had half the mind to cancel, but Sooyoung sounded really hopeful about whatever it was she wanted to talk about.

“It’s okay. I’m easily startled,” she admitted. When she saw the coffee Kyungsoo was holding out, she blushed and accepted it, “you didn’t have to buy mine too.” Kyungsoo simply shook his head and gave her a soft smile.

After the last twelve hours he’d had, it felt good to genuinely smile about something.

_Why does she look so nervous? She’s just meeting you_

_You’re really nothing special. Maybe she wants school help. That’s the only thing you’re decent at._

His smile wavered and he looked out the window, noting how cloudy the sky was getting, despite how early it was.

“So, I guess you’re wondering why I asked you to meet me?” Sooyoung started, her own gaze settled on her coffee cup.

Kyungsoo nodded and gave Sooyoung a small smile, attempting to make himself seem—he didn’t really know—less intimidating. Considering how pissed off he looked when he’d passed the window the shop, he knew he was probably making Sooyoung more reluctant and shy.

“Did you mean it? I mean, what you said at the party? It’s rare to find people who are as inexperienced as myself and usually, people just make fun or talk down to me,” Sooyoung’s face darkened in annoyance and Kyungsoo nodded.

He too had been talked down whenever the topic of sex came up. More times than not, people addressed him like he was a child and even in high school, it’d pissed him off.

Not to mention it made him feel ashamed.

Which is what Sooyoung was getting at as she spoke to him, her expression becoming more comfortable the more she shared.

When she finished, she let out a big breath then leaned back into her chair.

She was the visual embodiment of someone getting something off their chest.

“I said all of that to say that it would be nice if we were friends,” when Kyungsoo looked surprised, Sooyoung let out a nervous laugh, “besides what having that in common, you seem like a nice person. And before this even comes up, I know you’re dating Jongin. Trust me when I say I’m not trying to wreck a happy relationship.”

_Even if she was trying to wreck what you have, it wouldn’t be too hard right?_

_Since it’s so fragile and all_

_You know, even a girl like her would fit with Jongin better than you_

Kyungsoo pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and nodded, even managing a small smile.

“Sure, having more friends is always good. Not to mention, it’ll be nice to have someone that understands,” Kyungsoo stopped speaking and waved his hand around, making a gesture that was supposed to represent their lack of sexual experience.

Instead, he just looked stupid and Sooyoung confirmed that when she let out a snort. After she finished, her face morphed into a more serious expression, “but seriously, I’m so glad you weren’t weirded out. It’s so nice…to be understood for once.”

Kyungsoo nodded again and sipped his drink, listening as Sooyoung started to talk about other things. It was fascinating to listen to her talk and he found that he was distracted by the way Sooyoung winded and looped stories and narratives that sounded like she was recounting a drama.

 

Jongin’s trip seemed to pass by quickly as Kyungsoo spent less time at home, choosing instead to alternate between going hang out with Minseok, helping Baekhyun at his job or being convinced to do random things with Sooyoung.

Out of all the things she got him to do, the weirdest was when Sooyoung convinced him to go to a Sip’N’Paint event sponsored by her club. Kyungsoo wasn’t that great at art, but after about three glasses of red wine, his paintbrush seemed to glide across the page and even Sooyoung’s corniest jokes made him snort.

The wine was still in his system when he got home, so when Jongin called him, his cheeks were still flushed and he couldn’t keep a straight face.

“Are you okay, Soo?” Kyungsoo could hear the worry in his boyfriend’s voice, but he could only giggle and wave it off.

“No, I just went to one of those wine drinking and painting classes. I’m still drunk,” at the news, Jongin’s eyes widened and he smiled, leaning closer to the camera.

“I kind of like this side of you. Maybe we should go out drinking when I get back.” Really, the look on Jongin’s face shouldn’t have been as sexy as it was, but Kyungsoo couldn’t help himself and he had to turn his head to hide how his face, ears, and neck were turning pink.

“We can, if you want,” Kyungsoo sighed, aiming the camera away, “I can’t wait for you to come home.” There must’ve been something about the way Kyungsoo said it, but it made a shiver run up Jongin’s back because it felt like there was an unspoken promise.

“Yeah, me too,” Jongin replied, stumbling over his words as a blush rose to his own cheeks.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t realize just how much he missed Jongin until he saw Jongin walking out of baggage claim.

Mucher tanner than he’d been when he’d left, when Jongin spotted Kyungsoo, a big smile spread across his face and he walked faster.

The voices attempted to deride him for being needy, but when Jongin gathered him in a crushing hug, they all stopped short.

Their hug lasted for a lot longer than was probably socially acceptable, but Jongin didn’t seem to care as he buried his face in Kyungsoo’s neck with a muffled, “I missed you so much.”

When they finally pulled apart—mostly because Jongin’s stomach growled—Kyungsoo grabbed Jongin’s duffle bag and they walked out into the humid summer air.

“It’s good to be home,” Jongin sighed, looking down at Kyungsoo as they made their way to the bus stop.

 

Their first stop was Jongin’s apartment because he wanted to shower and drop off his bags. For once, when the door opened, they were greeted with the sight of Tao feeding a significantly older man strawberries on the couch.

Following the party, whenever Kyungsoo went somewhere with Sooyoung, he frequently saw Tao. This, however, was the first time he’d seen the man inside his own home.

“You’re back?” Tao asked, barely sparing either of them a glance. Jongin made an affirmative grunt and he cleared his throat, looking a bit embarrassed.

“Uh, hey Kris. Good to see you again,” Unlike Tao, Kris did look up and he tipped his head in Jongin’s direction, “this is my boyfriend, Kyungsoo.” They greeted each other respectfully, then Kyungsoo and Jongin awkwardly shuffled into Jongin’s room.

“That’s Tao’s sugar dad-boyfriend?” Jongin explained, moving quickly to settle his bags on the bed, “anyway, if we want to find somewhere decent to eat, I should probably hurry huh?” Kyungsoo shrugged and he sat down next to the bags.

Jongin grabbed a towel from his closet and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

As Kyungsoo got comfortable, his mind went back to what happened the last time he was in Jongin’s bed and he got flustered, jumping up from the bed.

Which was how Jongin found him a few moments later, pacing the length of his bedroom. The sound of the door opened had made Kyungsoo startled, but when he saw Jongin, his chest still damp and a towel wrapped around his waist, everything was forgiven and forgotten.

“So, uh, what kind of food do you want to eat?” Kyungsoo stuttered, trying not to stare. He’d seen Jongin shirtless plenty of times, but for some reason, his brain was short-circuiting now.

“I really want Korean food, if that’s alright?” Kyungsoo could only nod and he watched, dry-mouthed, as Jongin went in his closet and pulled out something to wear.

To Kyungsoo’s surprise—possibly disappointment—Jongin had on underwear underneath the towel, so when he let it drop, there wasn’t anything scandalous to see. Not that that stopped Kyungsoo’s face from flushing in embarrassment.

_Pervert!_

_Well, he’s your boyfriend so?_

Just like usual, Jongin was ready in less than ten minutes and Kyungsoo was more than happy to leave the apartment. Between the flashbacks of the last time and the fact that Tao and Kris were making out on the couch, it was best that they left anyway.

 

For dinner, they ended up at an old family owned restaurant, downing kimbap and kimchi jjigae.

“Raeon and Rahee wanted my undivided attention the whole time I was there. It got to the point where I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without one of them looking for me,” Jongin explained, showing Kyungsoo picture after picture of the two children in various locations.

His entire face lit up and he rambled on about his trip until he stopped mid-sentence and frowned, giving Kyungsoo a sad puppy look, “I’m just been talking about myself. Did you do anything fun these past two weeks?”

The question caught Kyungsoo off guard because he could’ve listened to Jongin talk for hours, so he simply shook his head, “not really. I made a new friend, but that’s about all.”

Jongin’s eyes widened and he leaned further across the table, a curious look on his face.

“I met her at the party I told you about. Her name is Sooyoung and she’s really sweet,” Kyungsoo spoke, trying to push the unease of talking about himself down.

_You know, what if Jongin thinks you’re cheating on him?_

_Considering how you look, there’s no way you could scourge up the audacity to cheat_

_It was a joke. We know that and he knows that_

“She’s just been really cool. I think we get along well because we understand each other,” Kyungsoo was trying to pick his words carefully. He didn’t want Jongin to think he found someone else or that he was more interested in Sooyoung.

He also didn’t want it to be obvious that he was trying to reassure Jongin.

“I think I’ve met her before actually. She was in my literature class,” Jongin added, hoping it would coax Kyungsoo into talking more.

“Well, I don’t want to say too much but we’re just really similar,” Kyungsoo gave Jongin a small smile and Jongin took this as a sign that Kyungsoo was finished.

 

Following dinner, they ended up back at Kyungsoo’s apartment, doing their customary TV watching. Like before, Jongin’s head was nestled in Kyungsoo’s lap, his eyes focused on the screen.

“School starts soon, we should go on the trip we talked about before,” Jongin mentioned as the ending credits flashed across the screen. Kyungsoo’s fingers stop trailing through Jongin’s hair and he looked down.

“Are you obsessed with traveling now?” It pulled a smirk from Jongin and he shook his head, sitting up. He turned to face Kyungsoo and reached for the other’s hands, holding them in his own.

“No, I just want to go on a trip with you. It’ll be fun,” with the way that Jongin’s eyes were sparkling, Kyungsoo knew he couldn’t tell him no.

He didn’t want to tell him no, either. The idea of going somewhere away from home with Jongin made his heart race and his stomach started flipping.

“Fine, but you have to decide where we go. I hate choosing things,” Kyungsoo admitted, feeling butterflies in his stomach as Jongin continued to beam at him.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t even ask Jongin if he was staying for the night. Instead, he just prepared another set of night clothes and went to shower, leaving Jongin sprawled across his bed, watching something on his laptop.

When he finished, he walked in to see Jongin in the same position he’d left him and he smiled to himself.

It was nearly overwhelming how comfortable and right Jongin looked in his baggy sweats and his high school class shirt. He was biting his bottom lip and staring, so transfixed at something on the screen that he failed to notice that Kyungsoo had come back.

That is until Kyungsoo tripped over his backpack and nearly landed in Jongin’s lap.

_What a fucking clutz_

_Why does Jongin like you????_

Instead of laughing, Jongin only moved to help Kyungsoo back to his feet and he asked him if he was okay. With a flustered nod, Kyungsoo kicked the offending bag underneath his desk and shuffled back to the other side of the bed, climbing onto it and settling next to Jongin.

“You know,” Kyungsoo started, his heart speeding up as the words crossed his mind, “you haven’t kissed me since you got back.” Jongin looked up at him, horrified and he immediately leaned over and planted a soft kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips.

_Maybe he’s already accustomed to your stifling neediness_

Jongin started to pull away and Kyungsoo held onto his arm, leaning forward for more. Blindly, Jongin reached and closed the laptop, moving to hover over Kyungsoo as their kisses deepened.

He moaned into Jongin’s mouth when the other’s tongue tangled with his own and pulled Jongin down, pressing their bodies closer together.

Kyungsoo had missed Jongin and he’d missed being this close to him. Feeling the warmth that was always radiating off Jongin through his clothes.

When they pulled away, Jongin looked down at Kyungsoo, a question—of permission—in his eyes. Kyungsoo wasn’t sure what he was asking to do, but he nodded and Jongin pushed off of Kyungsoo, kneeling next to him.

“Ca-can I blow you?” Jongin asked, looking at Kyungsoo straight in the eye. His cheeks were pink and it was obvious that he was embarrassed about being so straightforward.

But he was doing this for him.

It was so cute and if Kyungsoo hadn’t been so turned on, he would’ve collected Jongin into a hug and kissed him until he couldn’t breathe. As he was now, he could only nod and move to sit up against the headboard and he took a deep breath.

“Yes.”

_Look at Kyungsoo being confident_

_You’re pretty decent at acting_

Even while the voices ran amuck, Kyungsoo could only concentrate on how warm Jongin’s hands and lips were on his body. Each kiss down the column of his neck felt like small fires and he leaned into it, moaning quietly.

When Jongin’s teeth pressed in the junction of his neck and shoulder, Kyungsoo’s confused hands finally settled on the back of Jongin’s neck.

It was quiet in the house, but Kyungsoo could hear how heavily he was breathing. He could feel how desperate he was for this and he knew Jongin could feel it too, with how Kyungsoo's fingers tangled into his hair.

And Jongin was only kissing him.

By the time a hand moved to palm him over his shorts, Kyungsoo was already hard and couldn’t stop himself from pushing his hips up to meet Jongin’s hand.

On a fleeting whim, Kyungsoo pulled off his shirt, leaving him in only his shorts and underwear. Jongin’s eyes took in the bare skin and they darkened, making a shiver run down Kyungsoo’s back.

Without his shirt, he felt exposed and it started a mix of shame and arousal bubbling in his gut.

Jongin raised his head and kissed Kyungsoo’s lips again, though this time he noticed that Kyungsoo's eyes were closed.

“Open your eyes,” Jongin whispered, his thumb caressing Kyungsoo’s cheek.

_But then you’ll see just how unevenly matched you are_

Kyungsoo blinked a few times, his eyes focusing on Jongin’s face.

Jongin took off his—Kyungsoo’s—shirt and threw it next to them on the bed, leaning forward to cup Kyungsoo’s jaw to pull him into another kiss.

 

They were still kissing when Jongin moved out his lap and settled next to him, only pulling apart so Jongin could kiss down his chest. The trail of heat continued and Kyungsoo was sure that Jongin’s lips were leaving a trail of flushed skin in their path.

His heart stopped when Jongin’s kisses finally reached near his belly button, signaling that he was about to go for it. If Kyungsoo’s mind hadn’t felt like an overheated laptop, he was sure the voices would start up again, but instead, he just felt wave after wave of arousal and want.

Hands gripped the waistband of his shorts and Kyungsoo lifted his hips, his bleary eyes watching as Jongin pulled them down his thighs, along with his underwear.

He was completely naked in front of Jongin and his body felt like it would burst into flames, but Jongin kept looking at him like he was the goddamn sun and it made the feelings of disgust about his body and himself feel moot and pointless.

The hands returned to his body, though this time, one of them caressed his thighs and the other gripped Kyungsoo’s dick, stroking slowly.

The moment Jongin’s mouth engulfed him, Kyungsoo let out a whine and in the back of his mind, he prayed that Baekhyun wasn’t home and wouldn’t be home for the duration of this.

He was squirming, but Jongin put more weight on his thighs, probably in an attempt to keep him still.

A valiant effort honestly, especially when Jongin took him further down his throat and started making wet, slick noises as he maintained eye contact with Kyungsoo.

Now instead of the voices, the white noise or silence, Kyungsoo’s brain was torn between noting how Jongin’s lips stretched around his dick and picturing his notes from his philosophy class to keep from coming too soon.

His hands twisted in Jongin’s hair again, though this time, he gripped the strands and pulled. The moan he received in return, vibrated up his dick and made it even harder to not come.

Jongin let him fall from his mouth and he resumed stroking him before Kyungsoo watched him dip his tongue into the slit, then suckle the head, while still moving his hand slowly.

He couldn’t even formulate the words and only let out a startled moan as he covered Jongin’s fist, cheeks, and lips with white streaks.

“I’m so-so-sorry,” Kyungsoo huffed when Jongin blinked in surprise, registering that Kyungsoo had just come.

Despite the mess on his face, Jongin smiled with a cute “don’t worry about it,” and Kyungsoo’s repetitive apologies died on his lips.

“Was it, uh, good?” Jongin asked, reaching for the shirt to wipe off his face.

“I don't...” Kyungsoo mumbled, blushing as he looked away. He had nothing to compare it to in terms of experience and Jongin seemed to realize a second later and he looked down in guilt.

“I’m sorry, I fo-forgot,” Jongin admitted. Kyungsoo almost completely forgot that he was naked and he leaned over, kissing Jongin in reassurance.

“It was good. The best thing I’ve ever experienced.” This time it was Jongin’s turn to blush and Kyungsoo couldn’t resist grinning.

Jongin was so cute.

 

“How do you feel about hiking?” Kyungsoo shrugged and he rested his chin on Jongin’s shoulder, watching as the other scrolled through ideas for their trip.

Class was starting in less than a month, so Jongin wanted to have a last bout of fun before they had to get back into studying and he had to go back to his regular work schedule since most of the summer hires would probably leave.

“What about Geumjeong? We can stay at the Airbnb my friends stayed at,” Jongin got a sparkle in his eye and he immediately pulled up Instagram, searching until he found the pictures he was looking for.

Ten minutes after Jongin had shown him the pictures, Jongin was booking their KTX tickets and checking the availability of the aforementioned Airbnb.

By the time Kyungsoo came back from the bathroom, Jongin had a definite date and confirmation of their trip.

“You work fast,” Jongin nodded and he closed his laptop, stretching his entire body across the couch.

“I can’t wait for our trip. I bet you look hot in hiking clothes,” Jongin muttered, his eyes darting to Kyungsoo to check if the man had heard him.

He had.

So, Jongin shoved his face back into the couch pillow, refusing to meet Kyungsoo’s entertained gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some people were wary of Sooyoung, but she's innocent. I swear.
> 
> Also, I added another chapter but WOW is this story going places I did not forsee.


	7. Busan Flowers

The fresh air of Busan must’ve gone to Jongin’s head, because as soon as they walked out of the train station, Jongin started walking and speaking quicker. So much so, that Kyungsoo nearly had to jog to keep up with him.

“So first, we’re going to the Airbnb, dropping our stuff off and going to the aquarium,” Jongin listed off, continuing to go through his plans for the day.

Considering that they were in Busan for three days, Kyungsoo figured that Jongin probably packed their schedule to the seams and he was anticipating everything.

Jongin may have had his surprises, but with the supplies that were metaphorically burning in his backpack, Kyungsoo had some surprises of his own.

 

As seen in the pictures, their lodging was a fantastic blend between a traditional _hanok_ and a modern house, so they could really ‘enjoy the rural and traditional parts of Busan, without being inconvenienced’ as was laid out in the location’s listing.

The first thing, Kyungsoo noticed when they arrived, was the fact that only one bedroom had been prepared.

He’d figured that he and Jongin would be sharing, but it hadn’t really registered until he saw the single bed. Now, the butterflies that had taken permanent residence inside his stomach were awake and fluttering.

After they’d walked around and given the house a good examination, Jongin complimented the kitchen that they would barely use, as well as the hi-tech indoor bathroom*, which came as a relief for the both of them.

 

The trip to the aquarium was wonderful and Kyungsoo had never really given too much thought to how much he liked sea animals until then. It was only when a sea turtle paused in front of him and stared him down that he realized he really liked them.

There were also penguins and with Jongin’s rather energetic insistence, he took a picture by them.

 

“You know, you kind of look like a penguin sometimes. It’s so cute,” Jongin gushed, going through the pictures on his phone as they ate an early dinner.

When Jongin sat his phone down, Kyungsoo realized that Jongin had set the picture he’d asked an elderly man to take of them as his lock screen.

If he hadn’t already been blushing, he would’ve been now and he looked away from the phone, staring at the view of mountains in the distance. It was gorgeous and it distracted him from Jongin, who was hellbent on trying to make him laugh or get flustered.

“What’s next?” Kyungsoo asked after a few moments. Jongin’s eyes lit up and he mentioned something about taking an afternoon/night wine tasting boat ride which somehow included seeing fireworks.

Jongin really meant it when he said he wanted to see a tipsy Kyungsoo.

Little did Kyungsoo know that since their video call when he was in America, he kept the memory of a lax, giggly Kyungsoo in his mind.

 

Which was why when he boarded the boat and got settled in, Jongin immediately secured them glasses. They were one of the first people to be served each tasting of wine, though admittedly, Kyungsoo was doing more drinking than tasting for all the sweet red wines he’d been given.

Jongin kept pulling him around the ship to walk around, so he had to pace himself with his glasses of alcohol. By the time the fireworks happened, he was completely toasted, on the threshold of being drunk and wine-drunk Kyungsoo was a peculiar sight.

A sight that Jongin had never seen in person and was enjoying every moment of.

For one, when Kyungsoo held his hand, there was the look of disgust or confusion among a few older couples on the boat, but tipsy Kyungsoo ignored it all. He knew without the help of alcohol, the other might’ve been a bit more conservative with his touches and displays of affection.

Prior to dating Kyungsoo, Jongin had never really cared what people thought about him nor his relationships, but because he could tell Kyungsoo paid keen attention, he too started to notice things. He still didn’t care, but he knew that many things bothered his boyfriend, even if he didn’t verbally or outwardly express it.

Now, Kyungsoo, carefree and enjoying the fact that his glass never empty, didn’t care and wasn’t thinking about others.

It made Jongin’s heart soar to see him so happy and not stuck in his own head for once.

 

Following the boat ride, Jongin had to guide a still-giggling Kyungsoo to the curb, where he got a taxi and told them the address of their Airbnb.

The entire ride, Kyungsoo leaned on Jongin’s shoulder and kept looking up at him, grinning like he’d just found the meaning to life. For one of the first times ever, Kyungsoo reached for Jongin’s hands first and squeezed them.

For Kyungsoo, everything was warm and fuzzy and Jongin kept looking at him like he would disappear, so he just grabbed his hands to remind him that he was still there and he wasn’t going anywhere.

When they got back to their Airbnb, Jongin helped Kyungsoo into the gate and they headed to the bedroom to get ready for bed. Since Kyungsoo had considerably sobered up on the taxi ride home, he took a shower first and got into bed.

By the time Jongin was finished, Kyungsoo was out cold. With a quiet laugh, Jongin slid into bed next to Kyungsoo and sleep came quickly.

 

The next morning, Kyungsoo woke up to an empty bed, though the sheets were still warm with body heat.

He’d barely sat up when the door to the bedroom opened and Jongin walked in, plastic bags in his hand and a sheepish smile on his face “I thought I’d get us breakfast. No hangover, I hope?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and accepted one of the bags in Jongin’s hand. Filled with warm, fresh bread, probably from a nearby bakery, Kyungsoo reached for a cream bun and bit into it, moaning at the taste.

He didn’t miss how Jongin’s cheeks reddened and he looked away for a moment.

 

After breakfast, they took a taxi to the base of a nearby mountain, apparently famous in the area.

Feeding into Jongin’s anticipation, Kyungsoo had acquired the appropriate clothes, including close-fitting, breathable shorts, hiking boots, and a loose, comfortable shirt.

The butterflies awoke from their slumber, some of them flitting around whenever Jongin’s eyes darted to Kyungsoo’s legs.

Kyungsoo had to admit that he did his own share of looking, admiring how handsome Jongin looked as he sat on a rock underneath a tree, his face and neck glistening with sweat. He had to glance elsewhere when the errant thought of licking Jongin’s neck crossed his mind.

Only after he’d drank some water and patted at his neck with a cooling towel, did he look back in Jongin’s direction. Luckily—or unluckily—Jongin was staring right back at him, a smile on his face.

 

Following a light lunch and a trip back to their place to shower, Kyungsoo debated what should be their last activity for the night and for their trip, since they were leaving the next afternoon.

“How about we just walk around?” Jongin suggested, eyeing the gate that lead into the open street. Kyungsoo nodded and slipped into his shoes, stretching before he stood up straight.

Located in an older neighborhood, their house was situated in a sparsely populated area. It was also near the sea, so the air was sharp with the smell of salt.

“Did you have a good time?” Kyungsoo asked, his fingers intertwining with Jongin’s as they started down the street.

“Yes. The best trip I’ve ever been on and the first time I’ve kissed someone on top of a mountain,” Jongin admitted, shooting Kyungsoo a cheeky smile.

While Jongin probably hadn’t meant to use that particular set of words, hearing ‘first-time’ Kyungsoo gripped his hand tighter and kept walking, smiling to himself.

Tonight he was going to do it.

Voices be damned.

 

The sun sunk lower as they made their way back, stopping momentarily to take a few pictures alongside some particularly picturesque statues.

When they got back to the house, Jongin informed him that the owners of the house would be out for the night, but would be back in time to see them off the following afternoon.

Perhaps more butterflies moved in because as Jongin changed into his night clothes, Kyungsoo’s stomach fluttered and flipped. He was thankful that Jongin was standing and not sitting on the bed, because he was sure he was shaking the entire thing with his nervous energy.

To relieve some of his nerves, he changed his clothes as well and debated going to sit back on the bed.

_Eager aren’t we?_

_Little virgin Soo, don’t shit yourself_

His mind wasn’t moving as quickly as his body, so when Jongin turned to say something to him, he closed the distance between and pressed their mouths together, everything went by in a blur.

Clumsily, he backed Jongin towards the bed until he went down, Kyungsoo following. The position was definitely new, with Kyungsoo straddling Jongin, but he didn’t let that deter him.

_Remember when you used to be afraid to french someone?_

_Be careful you don’t drown him in your spit_

Jongin’s tongue was tangled with his own and Kyungsoo was pushing his body impossibly closer to Jongin, his hands gripping his boyfriend’s t-shirt like a lifevest.

When they broke away, Jongin’s hands were rested on Kyungsoo’s arms and he was looking up at Kyungsoo with a dazed expression.

His boyfriend was really gorgeous.

The expression only got better as Kyungsoo pulled at Jongin’s shirt, tugging it over his head. His eyes grew wider, when Kyungsoo placed soft kisses down his toned chest and stomach, his hands shaking a little as they gripped the waistband of Jongin’s shorts.

_Money says he throws up on his dick_

With how his stomach felt like a raging storm, he wouldn’t be surprised if he did gag, but he resolved that he wouldn’t go so far. He knew that he was inexperienced, so he would take things slow, no matter how badly Kyungsoo really wanted to make Jongin feel good.

A few well-measured tugs freed Jongin’s dick from his clothes and Kyungsoo took his time, gripping and stroking it with short, experimental movements. Jongin was already hard and the more Kyungsoo moved his hand, the more precome that collected at the tip. Before long, his hand was sliding smoothly and Jongin’s entire body was tense underneath him.

The first lick pulled a moan from Jongin and it startled Kyungsoo, making him stop and glance at Jongin.

“M’sorry, it’s go-go-good,” Jongin stammered, his hands anchored at his sides. When Kyungsoo noticed, he reached for Jongin’s hands and guided them to his head, silently telling him what to do.

If anyone was acting like the virgin, it was Jongin.

The breathy moans, frequent lip wetting and heavy-lidded eyes made it seems like this was the first time Jongin was getting blown. Kyungsoo knew it probably wasn’t, but just hearing and seeing Jongin’s reactions spurred him on.

He took the head into his mouth, paying extra attention to his teeth. He’d read and researched every single tip possible when it came to blowing someone. He wanted to do this right.

Stroking whatever wasn’t in his mouth, Kyungsoo stumbled a little bit when a fresh load of precome rushed into his mouth, but he kept going anyway.

Underneath him, Jongin’s thighs were shaking.

He knew his lip had slipped when Jongin hissed, probably due to the sharp feeling of teeth on his dick, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, Jongin’s hands continued to card through Kyungsoo’s hair, encouraging him with more moans.

Jongin was completely naked, and Kyungsoo felt overdressed, but he wanted to make Jongin come before he took off all his clothes. Since this wasn’t anywhere near the first time that Jongin was seeing him naked, the anxiety that should’ve been there was noticeably lessened.

Doing his best not to hurt Jongin again, Kyungsoo went down again, taking almost half of Jongin’s length down his throat. He was somewhat aware of where his gag reflex would kick in and he only managed to choke once, to his own amazement.

Each time he glanced up to gauge Jongin’s reaction, he was met with Jongin staring right back at him like he was trying to burn this moment into his memory. It was only when Jongin started to pull with more force at his hair, that he realized Jongin was close to coming.

A few more trips down Kyungsoo’s throat, another minor scrape of his teeth and a few more licks later, Jongin’s hands were lightly pushing Kyungsoo’s shoulders because he was coming.

It was like his mind wasn’t processing speech, so the words wouldn’t come out.

Kyungsoo got the hint, but that didn’t mean he let Jongin fall from his mouth either. Instead, he locked his lips around the head of Jongin’s dick and sucked, his jaw finally relaxing as Jongin came and filled his mouth.

When Kyungsoo swallowed what was in his mouth on instinct, Jongin let out a whine and he finally pulled away, probably from the sensitivity.

“God, Soo,” Jongin moaned, leaned back into the bed and staring at the ceiling as he tried to get his mind to start working regularly.

Kyungsoo only smiled and got off of Jongin, moving to take off his shirt. When he didn’t climb back into bed, Jongin sat up and watched as Kyungsoo stepped out his night clothes, seeing that he’d decided to forgo underwear.

That’s when it hit Jongin that Kyungsoo had planned this.

As if he was reading his mind, Kyungsoo sighed, “I was planning to just kind of let it happen, but you’ve been so thoughtful and careful with me. I want this more than anything and I feel sorry that you had to wait so long.”

Jongin sat up and shook his head, his lips already poised to reassure Kyungsoo that he shouldn’t feel sorry about anything, but Kyungsoo shook his head.

“I know what you’re going to say, but I’m just telling you my feelings okay? I’m not pressured by anything except by the fact that I’ve wanted to do this for so long and only recently got the guts to do it.” Jongin’s mouth closed and he nodded, his eyes drifting down Kyungsoo’s body when he finished speaking.

What Jongin didn’t see was how Kyungsoo’s hands were shaking behind his back.

_It’s a good thing that it’s getting dark in here_

_Aww, are you nervous? How pathetic_

_Maybe you should just hang it up and go sleep in the extra room_

_It wouldn’t be the first time you were a disappointment_

The only thing stopping Kyungsoo was himself at this point and as he stood in front of Jongin, completely naked, he realized he could stop listening.

Just completely ignore them.

_You’ll never get rid of us_

That was fine.

Kyungsoo’s feet started moving and his body seemed to move on autopilot as he kneeled next to Jongin and smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

 

The smile stayed on his face as Jongin kissed him and positioned them until Kyungsoo was on his back with Jongin hovering over him.

“We can stop if you need to,” Jongin spoke, his voice quiet and his eyes serious when he pulled away. Kyungsoo shook his head and spread his legs wider, urging Jongin to continue.

The first press of Jongin’s slick finger was met with resistance but after a few breaths and whispered reassurances from Jongin, it sunk in slowly. Overall, it didn’t _feel_ different from the few times when Kyungsoo had attempted to finger himself, but it was different because it wasn’t his own hand.

A positive thing, Kyungsoo figured out pretty quickly, because his own fingers were short and he didn’t have to worry about that with Jongin.

Jongin did his best to work him open, taking several long moments to massage along his walls and make him let out quiet, impatient groans.

By the time Jongin pressed another finger inside of him, Kyungsoo felt like a popsicle melting on a summer day.

Hot.

He only got hotter when Jongin crooked his fingers and rubbed at what Kyungsoo assumed to be his prostate. Suddenly keeping still was so much harder and the person who was making the needy, breathy sounds, was him.

Kyungsoo’s dick twitched with each press into his prostate and left thick trails of precome on his stomach. Now his entire body felt like he was on fire and it only turned up the heat when Jongin added yet another finger, scissoring them apart inside of him.

“You’re doing so good,” Jongin sounded like he was miles away as he pushed deeper, effectively fucking Kyungsoo slowly with fingers. Kyungsoo could only nod and move his hips, trying to impale himself further on Jongin’s digits, unconsciously seeking more.

He could’ve come right then, but he wanted to hold out. At least until Jongin was inside of him. That much he knew, even with his hazy thoughts.

When Jongin pulled his fingers out, Kyungsoo could feel his body clenching at the emptiness and his eyes watered as he held his tongue.

Hurry, was what he wanted to say, but he didn’t want Jongin to rush anything. As time was right then, things were moving in slow motion, yet too fast for Kyungsoo’s mind to grasp.

The voices were stunned into silence as Jongin positioned himself between Kyungsoo’s thighs, rolling a condom on and stroking himself with a slick hand.

“Relax, Soo,” More liquid rushed to Kyungsoo eyes and he nodded again, opening his legs a bit wider to accommodate Jongin’s hips.

The initial push inside stole his breath and he could _feel_ every single inch of Jongin sliding into him, filling him, splitting him apart.

If he thought he’d felt full with Jongin’s fingers, it was nothing compared to when Jongin was fully inside him, his hips pressed against Kyungsoo’s ass.

“Breathe, I’m here. You’re okay,” Kyungsoo reached for something, anything to anchor him and take his mind off how _full_ he was. Eventually, he gripped Jongin’s forearms, his nails digging into the tanned skin when Jongin started to move again, slowly pulling out.

It was during the second time that Jong pushed inside of him that something changed. Now instead of focusing on the fullness, he felt jolts of pleasure shoot up his spine and scatter whatever coherent thoughts he tried to form.

The silence that had fallen over the room was broken as Kyungsoo moaned and whined, trying to goad Jongin into going faster, deeper, _harder_.

His body felt like jelly and Jongin held him close and set a steady tempo, his hips snapping against Kyungsoo’s ass with a damp smack every so often.

His thrusts drove Kyungsoo further up the bed and Jongin followed, his brow furrowed as he both pursued his own orgasm and pushed Kyungsoo to his.

How Jongin managed to hold himself above Kyungsoo with one arm as he reached between them to stroke Kyungsoo off, was something Kyungsoo would debate later. In the moment, however, Kyungsoo could only think about how the red hot feeling that had been simmering from the soles of his feet snowballed into something more.

Something that was overtaking his body, his mind, his everything.

He could only hold onto Jongin tighter and wait out the ride as his orgasm passed over him like a tidal wave.

When he actually came, he let out a breathless moan like someone had punched him in the stomach, yet with a lot more mirth and joy. He wrapped his legs around Jongin’s waist tight and kept them there, faintly feeling the shallow crescent shapes his nails made in Jongin’s skin as Jongin sped up, his teeth gritted.

Jongin came a few moments later, letting out a few moans himself as his hips slowed to a stop.

Soft lips landed on Kyungsoo’s own lips, treating him to languid, sleepy kisses as they both came down from their highs with their foreheads touching.

Kyungsoo was slow to unwrap his legs from around Jongin and when he did, Jongin stared down at him, an absolutely enraptured expression on his face.

Love.

There was so much love in Jongin’s eyes and Kyungsoo almost wanted to look away, feeling so _vulnerable_ and _open_ and _exposed_.

Jongin pulled away from him briefly and removed the used condom, making quick work of wrapping it in a tissue and discarding it. Seconds later, he was back with another tissue, cleaning up the mess on Kyungsoo’s stomach.

Kyungsoo had so much to say, yet he couldn’t even begin to put any of it into words. The one that stuck with him the most, was that he wasn’t Do Kyungsoo, the twenty-three-year-old virgin anymore.

He was just Do Kyungsoo.

For some reason or another, he’d always expected it to hit harder than it did. He thought the whole world would change. That he would start seeing things in color, like in the Wizard of Oz.

Instead, things were just warm. Despite the aircon blowing in the corner of the room, Jongin was cuddled into him, his lips ghosting over the sensitive skin of the juncture where his shoulders met his neck.

Jongin hadn’t forced him to talk and Kyungsoo was glad for it because he was still sorting through a million things in his head and he probably wouldn’t make very good conversation anyway.

They simply sat in silence, basking in the afterglow of what had just happened.

It was only after nearly twenty minutes, that Jongin finally spoke, breaking the silence.

“Thank you for trusting me.” It was simple really, but there were so many other meanings packed in that one phrase.

Thank you for liking me.

Thank you for being with me.

Thank you for loving me.

 

They must’ve fallen asleep after Jongin had spoken, because the next time Kyungsoo opened his eyes, the sun was up and they were huddled under the covers, pressed together and still completely naked.

As much as he didn’t want to leave, Kyungsoo knew that it would be best if he got up and showered. It was their last day in Busan and their train was for 3 PM.

A quick glance at his phone told him it was almost 11 AM, so they needed to start moving around.

Brushing his teeth and showering hadn’t taken more than about fifteen minutes, but when he walked out the bathroom, fully dressed, Jongin was sitting at the edge of the bed with his pants on, but little else.

With his hair tousled by sleep and the sleepy look in his eyes, Kyungsoo was tempted to fall back into bed with him, but he knew they couldn’t.

“You up, sleepyhead?” Jongin nodded and held open his arms, fully expectant that Kyungsoo would come to him. Even with his eyes squinted against the sunlight that streamed into the room, he was irresistible and Kyungsoo couldn’t deny him just an embrace.

_He’s going to dump your ass now_

_Great going_

Jongin buried his face into the soft cotton of Kyungsoo’s t-shirt and inhaled the gentle smell of laundry detergent that always seemed to follow his boyfriend.

“This was the best trip I’ve ever gone on,” Jongin didn’t even bother to lift his head as he spoke the words into Kyungsoo’s shirt.

“Me too,” Kyungsoo found himself responding, a smile pulling across his lips, “now get up. We have to pack and get ready to leave here.”

Jongin let out a childish groan, still against Kyungsoo, then let him go, flopping backward onto the bed.

_What if this changes things?_

_What if he likes you less now?_

Kyungsoo’s smile didn’t waver and he watched Jongin squirm around before he slung his bag onto the bed, particularly close to Jongin’s head.

With a faux look of horror, Jongin finally sat up and wandered into the bathroom to start getting ready.

 

It only took a full hour before Jongin was showered, dressed and packed to go, so they wandered to a nearby, locally owned restaurant and ate lunch.

By the time they finished, the owners of the house were back and as requested, Jongin and Kyungsoo had already thrown the sheets into the washer as they were leaving.

When their hands brushed as they did so, Kyungsoo fought the blush that threatened to rise to his face. It shouldn’t have struck him as hard as it did, but the smell of the sheets reminded him of what had happened the previous night and he suddenly felt shy.

The feeling stayed, even as he sat next to Jongin on their train ride back into the city.

“I’ll see you later after work okay?” At this point, it wasn’t so much as a question, as a confirmation. Kyungsoo hummed in confirmation and looked out the window, watching as the streets passed by in a blur.

Jongin’s stop came up after a while and Kyungsoo hated when he let his hand go to press the stop alert button, then pressed his card into the reader. Even as he bounded down the steps, he smiled at Kyungsoo and waved to him before the bus pulled away.

Whatever rose-colored glasses that’d colored the whole trip fell away and Kyungsoo pulled his phone from his pocket, reading all the notifications that’d piled up.

Sooyoung had invited him out to a movie and he decided to take her up on it.

 

After a quick trip home to drop off his bag and change his clothes, he caught a taxi to the nearby mall.

“You look like you have the answers to life,” Sooyoung commented, startling Kyungsoo into looking up. He sheepishly put away his phone and walked up to her.

“I just got back from my trip with Jongin,” at the mention of the trip, Sooyoung got a greasy—and totally out of place—look on her face and she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Did you,” Sooyoung winked and made a clicking noise with her mouth, “you know?”

It was embarrassing enough that Sooyoung was starting this conversation in the middle of a very busy and very public mall, but the fact that she started shimmying her shoulders made Kyungsoo want to run away from her.

So, he did.

He started walking in the direction of the food court and adjoined movie theater. After Sooyoung had a good laugh, she shuffled to catch up with him. By that point, they were in a less populated place and Kyungsoo felt like he could comfortably speak.

“I’m sorry Kyungsoo,” Sooyoung started, the humored expression fell and was replaced with a remorseful one. Kyungsoo felt a little bad and he started to apologize first, but Sooyoung wouldn’t let him, “if you apologize to me, I’ll fight you.”

Her words lacked heat and as she walked beside Kyungsoo, making their shoulders nearly bump because of her heels, she gave him a warm smile.

Once they found a seat and Sooyoung had ordered—and paid for—their drinks, Kyungsoo took a deep breath and told her everything.

He left out the particular details that still made him blush each time he recalled them, but told her everything else. When he finished, Sooyoung sighed and sipped at her milk tea, a melancholic look on her face.

“That sounds so romantic. Who says that romance is dead these days?” The second sentence was more to herself, but she gave Kyungsoo another soft smile, “I’m so happy for you. You deserve someone like Jongin.”

“And you deserve someone caring as well,” Kyungsoo mumbled, embarrassed at the onslaught of attention. Sooyoung waved her hand and polished off her drink.

“Yeah, but straight men are a joke so,” Sooyoung trailed off, staring out into the mall with a wistful expression on her face. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but chuckle at that, then he suggested that they go look at movie times.

 

After a brief discussion, they settled for a foreign thriller movie and got their tickets, then got snacks.

Per their usual routine, they order a set and Kyungsoo carried the paper tray into the screen room. As they climbed to their seats, two young girls stared at them and one of them let out a sad sigh, “I wish I had a boyfriend as cute as her.”

Sooyoung snorted and rolled her eyes, settling into her seat, “shows you how much they know.”

 

After the movie, they walked around the mall for a little while then Sooyoung got a text from her mom, inquiring about when she would be home. In direct contrast to her aloof personality, she was actually quite filial, so she replied that she was on her way home.

She apologized, mentioning that this felt like she was blowing off Kyungsoo, but he simply walked her to the front of the mall and put her in a taxi, “it’s fine. Besides, Jongin and I are going to hang out tonight after he gets off.”

Sooyoung’s eyes grew wide and she started to make a suggestive face, but Kyungsoo closed the door to her taxi and the car pulled away.

He’d had enough of Sooyoung’s jokes for one day.

 

By the time Kyungsoo got to his own house, he felt weirdly jittery. Now that he’d told Sooyoung, he felt partially unburdened, but he knew that the only other people that he wanted to tell were Baekhyun and Minseok.

Which is precisely why when Baekhyun walked into their apartment and draped himself across their couch with a tired huff, Kyungsoo crouched on the floor by his face and grinned.

“Have a good trip to Busan?” Baekhyun asked, his eyes closed as he relaxed into the cushions.

“Definitely. We ate some fresh seafood, went to the aquarium, hiking, I blew Jongin then he took my virginity. It was an eventful trip,” Kyungsoo spoke quickly and Baekhyun hummed, signifying that he was listening. It was only after Kyungsoo had walked to the kitchen to look for something to cook, that Baekhyun bolted up and stared at Kyungsoo.

“Wait, wait, wait, run those last two things by me again.” Instead of repeating himself, he only smiled and Baekhyun immediately got up and crossed the distance to the kitchen in a few steps, “you mean it?” Kyungsoo nodded and ducked his head into the freezer, partially to get away from Baekhyun’s prying glaze and partially to cool down his face.

 

Thirty minutes, a video call with Minseok and several thousand questions later, Baekhyun was satisfied and he clapped Kyungsoo on the back, congratulating him.

“Maybe now I’ll be the one keeping _you_ up,” Kyungsoo added, watching as Baekhyun’s face soured and he shook his head, covering his ears.

When Kyungsoo also added that Jongin would be by later, Baekhyun said he would go hang at Chanyeol’s apartment for the night.

Kyungsoo hadn’t been keeping tight tabs on his roommate in the past few months, but he was now certain that Chanyeol had finally been upgraded from a booty call to a boyfriend. He didn’t want to say anything though, because he knew how cagey Baekhyun got when he mentioned commitment, because the other had a severe phobia of it.

Jongin knocked on his door at almost 10 PM and Kyungsoo jumped up from the sofa, letting him in.

“I missed you,” Jongin immediately spoke, leaning down to give Kyungsoo a kiss. Kyungsoo leaned into the kiss and gripped Jongin’s shirt, speaking his own words on the other’s lips.

“Me too.”

 

The night ended up being quite mild, in terms of intimacy, but Kyungsoo enjoyed it just as much. In fact, he was starting to really enjoy the feeling of waking up to Jongin in the morning.

It was addictive and he could already feel himself craving it.

Jongin also seemed to enjoy it as well, considering how when Kyungsoo got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, Jongin woke up and waited until he was back in bed to go back to sleep.

They were acting like a married couple already and it’d only been a little over six months since they’d started dating.

 

When Jongin met Sooyoung, the energy the two produced made Kyungsoo feel off. While Sooyoung had been thrilled to formally meet Jongin, Jongin, on the other hand, seemed to give her a once-over and was overly polite to her.

Sooyoung picked up on this early, so when they sat down, she frequently made jokes about how she and Kyungsoo were different sides of the same person. A few of them landed, but for the most part, Jongin just gave her a small smile and drank his drink, scooting slightly closer to Kyungsoo.

At some point, she went to the bathroom and Kyungsoo turned to Jongin, hoping to get to the bottom of things before Sooyoung came back, “are you jealous Jongin?”

The silence that fell between them was heavy and Jongin sighed, “a little. I’m sorry, she’s really funny, I’m just being an asshole.” Well, at least Jongin could admit it to himself. Instead of confirming or denying Jongin’s behavior, Kyungsoo only gave a non-committal nod and reached under the table, squeezing Jongin’s hand.

Once again, their silent and discreet signal expressed words Kyungsoo didn’t need to say out loud.

By the time Sooyoung got back, Jongin’s mood changed for the better and he became more open with Sooyoung, eventually allowing himself to laugh at her corny jokes.

_Who knew the sad, fat boy went from being nearly friendless to Mr. Popular so quickly?_

_Now that I see them together, they really do make a good couple… you should get lost lol_

Kyungsoo shoved the thoughts to the back of his head and sipped at his cocktail, grinning when Jongin started a corny joke contest with Sooyoung.

 

A few days after that, Jongin and Sooyoung genuinely became fairly good acquaintances.

Kyungsoo was scrolling down his Instagram feed when he came across a recent post of Sooyoung at some hipster coffee shop in the clubbing district. Jongin’s, whose chin was rested on Kyungsoo’s shoulder blink and he made a humming noise.

“Why don’t you hook Minseok up with Sooyoung? You said she likes older guys right? Also, I’m sure Minseok will treat her well,” Jongin mused.

“Is this a ploy to keep Sooyoung busy, so you can have me all to yourself?” Kyungsoo asked, a small part of him serious. Jongin shook head and sat up.

“I mean, think about it, Minseok is older than her. He’s single, she’s single. We know Minseok’s a decent person and a good boyfriend,” Jongin stopped to take a long sip of Kyungsoo’s lemonade before he continued, “we should set them up. The worst thing that could happen is that they go on one date or even decline going on the date in the first place.”

The more Jongin talked, the more he made sense.

 

Sooyoung was skeptical at first, but when Kyungsoo showed her Minseok’s Instagram filled with pictures of him going to various coffee shops and interesting stores, she gave him a quiet agreement.

Jongin had been right, Minseok really was her type.

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t believe Jongin had talked him into spying on the date, but there they both were, wearing sunglasses as they sat outside the cafe on campus. Sooyoung and Minseok were a few tables down and for as long as they’d been watching, things were going great.

_Now that you find the one person that likes you, you want to play matchmaker?_

_That’s rich_

Minseok kept smiling and glancing down at his shoes, a sure sign that Sooyoung had him struck. Likewise, Sooyoung kept twisting the thin ring on her middle finger in her lap, which was a dead giveaway that she liked someone.

The date was over after nearly two hours and they made promises to see each other again before they departed with soft smiles. Jongin was grinning from across the table and he took off his glasses, standing up to stretch his legs.

Just as they were leaving, someone walked very closely behind them and when they turned around, Sooyoung was standing there with her arms crossed, “you thought I wouldn’t notice you two idiots sitting there?”

Kyungsoo blushed in embarrassment and he muttered an apology. Jongin simply gave Sooyoung a pleased expression. He supplied an apology only after Kyungsoo smacked him on the back.

“Well, whatever. He’s going to take me out for dinner next week, so let’s hope this goes well,” Sooyoung admitted, her cheeks turning pink after she cheeked the notifications in her phone. “He told me to have a good day and stay safe. Oh my god.”

 

After the encounter, Kyungsoo ended up in Jongin’s apartment, sitting in his boyfriend’s lap, kissing his neck.

They hadn’t had sex since the trip—if you didn’t count the mutual handjobs and several blowjobs—and that was over a month ago. Kyungsoo was more than ready, so he took matters into his own hands as he and Jongin were watching something stupid on Netflix.

“Mhmm, if you keep going, we might have sex here in the living room and I know Tao keeps a bottle of lube underneath the couch” Jongin admitted, his hands drifting to rest on Kyungsoo’s waist.

“Maybe that’s what I want,” Kyungsoo murmured into Jongin’s neck, taking the moment to bite the smooth, tanned skin there. The grip on his waist got tighter and before he realized it, Jongin flipped their position so he was on his back, on the couch, with Jongin over him.

Unlike the last time, where they were both completely naked, the second time happened quickly as Jongin pulled down Kyungsoo’s track pants and underwear, made quick work of stretching him, then pulled down his own pants and stroked himself with his sticky hand.

The stretch was a welcomed burn as Jongin pressed inside of him, one of his hands holding curled in the arch of Kyungsoo’s back as he moved forward.

“Fuck, Soo,” Jongin hissed, setting a quick and furious pace while Kyungsoo reached between them, stroking himself. He’d already been so turned on, so by the time Jongin found and angled for his prostate, Kyungsoo was so close to coming.

“So, fa-fa-fast Jong-Nini,” Kyungsoo moaned, his voice trilling as he spoke the nickname. As he’d wanted, Jongin sped up and leaned closer to Kyungsoo, taking the time to lick the shell of Kyungsoo’s ear as he panted.

Compared to a feeling akin to melted ice cream, Kyungsoo felt like hot oil popping in a pan this time.

“You like this?” Jongin asked, looking for Kyungsoo’s answer in his eyes as he continued to fuck into him at a brisk pace. Kyungsoo’s lips and brain weren’t communicating, so he only nodded quickly.

Suddenly, the white-hot feeling overtook him and he came, spilling white onto his own shirt and his fist. Jongin outright _whined_ in his ear, telling him how tight he was and came a few thrusts later, resting his forehead on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

It was only when he moved to pull out that he realized that he hadn’t used a condom and despite being lethargic at best, he started to freak out and apologize. Kyungsoo stopped him mid-apology by gripping hair at the nape of his neck and shaking his head, telling Jongin that it was okay.

They were in a monogamous relationship and had been for almost eight months.

 

They managed to avoid getting come on the couch and moved things to Jongin’s room, settling into an appropriate post-coitus bliss.

Just as Jongin was closing his door, the front door of his apartment opened and Tao walked in.

It only took a few moments before Tao sniffed the air, saw the used bottle of lube on the coffee table and made a disgusted face.

Kyungsoo was mortified as Jongin recounted it to him, but he also felt a bit giddy.

He’d never been on the other side of this before and it pumped adrenaline through his veins. It also made him horny again.

Which Jongin was more than glad to take care off as he slipped under the blankets to finger and blow Kyungsoo to another orgasm.

Kyungsoo learned how hard it was to be quiet. Or least it was hard _attempting_ to be quiet.

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo were walking towards their favorite sandwich shop, hand-in-hand, when they saw Minseok and Sooyoung cuddled closely, laughing about something.

“We’re such good matchmakers,” Jongin hooted, nudging Kyungsoo.

He could only smile and try to convince the other to leave the happy couple alone.

“Fair enough. I’d rather bother you anyway,” Jongin replied, a wide grin on his handsome face, “my perfect boyfriend.” The statement made Kyungsoo sink his face into the neck of his padded jacket and he glared at Jongin.

Again, Jongin only smiled and waited for Kyungsoo to accept his words.

_He’s blind and deaf!_

Even when Kyungsoo felt like he didn’t deserve it—which was frequently—Jongin always made sure he knew how much he loved him and how no matter what, he’d always wait for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *A Hanok is a traditional Korean house and usually, the bathrooms were more like outhouses. In the one that Jongin and Kyungsoo stay at, it is a more modern one. Therefore, the facilities are inside. 
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, so it is 330AM as I'm posting this because I really wanted to get it out as soon fast as possible. 
> 
> Thank you so much to all the people who showed me so much love and support for this story, like honestly the amount of feedback I got for this story was overwhelming and I'm so happy. 
> 
> I also want to make it clear, especially by the last italicized sentence, that Kyungsoo's self-esteem didn't magically improve when he started dating Jongin. That's just not how it works. It's an up and down thing and even after everything, the voices are not gone. He's just gotten better at ignoring them in favor of better things. 
> 
> I hope you guys like the ending and thank you again ^^

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who struggles with intense self-esteem issues, this story is both hard and cathartic to write. I'll do my best to portray things realistically and if you guys have any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment here or an ask on my writing tumblr @writingblankspaces


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